The Helpdesk of Avalnier is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Bobo The Omniscient Chaos Overlord with an iron fist, and renowned for its zero percent divorce rate, parental licensing program, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 26.697 billion Avalnierians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Fuzzybottom. The average income tax rate is 94.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Avalnierian economy, worth an astonishing 18,279 trillion Chocolate Chip Pancakes a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, Retail, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is a breathtaking 684,717 Chocolate Chip Pancakes, with the richest citizens earning 5.3 times as much as the poorest.

A proud mining community is considering a rebellion after the Capital officially renamed them 'District XII', citizens are expected to be proficient in at least five languages, not even good behaviour will get transgender inmates any special perks, and the regional delicacy of chocolate bombes is deadlier than an unexploded bomb. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Avalnier's national animal is the Big Bird, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is The Holy haberdashery of Batman.

Avalnier is ranked 225^th in the world and 9^th in Lazarus for Lowest Crime Rates, with 240.35 law-abiding acts per hour.