The Holy Order of Birnir is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Morgan Bandalag with an iron fist, and notable for its compulsory military service, keen interest in outer space, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 7.393 billion Birnirians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Morgaes. The average income tax rate is 82.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Birnirian economy, worth 768 trillion Gongs a year, is quite specialized and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 104,012 Gongs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Both criminals and civilians are DOA, citizens who don't recite the Pledge of Birnir at least three times a day are placed on a terrorist watch-list, teen parties are often ruined by wet blanket chaperones, and abortions are carried out secretly in shady backstreet clinics. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Birnir's national animal is the Birnirian Grizzly, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Order Of Souls.

Birnir is ranked 20,433^rd in the world and 8^th in Coalition of Crown Albatross for Lowest Crime Rates, with 89.35 law-abiding acts per hour.