by Max Barry

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Fattest Citizens: 663rd Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 716th Most Avoided: 724th
The Qqfcrumfdsfcjbudebuxdeiubdcf of
Corporate Police State
Racism is Whack
Default Skin
Civil Rights
Unheard Of
Political Freedom

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

Captain Lard

Population2.047 billion

CapitalDisney World
LeaderDefault Skin
FaithThe Gospel of Ben Shapiro


The Qqfcrumfdsfcjbudebuxdeiubdcf of Captain Lard is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Default Skin with an iron fist, and renowned for its zero percent divorce rate, complete lack of prisons, and rampant corporate plagiarism. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 2.047 billion Lardlings are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry, Education, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Environment and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Disney World. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 8.0%.

The frighteningly efficient AWESOME economy, worth 499 trillion spittoons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an amazing 244,155 spittoons, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,134,306 per year while the poor average 31,582, a ratio of 35.9 to 1.

Human tissue is grown in vats as a delicacy as well as for transplants, no animal is considered endangered if there's another that looks kind of like it, the rainbow assortment of chemicals in the water has turned the frogs gay, and the morbidly obese often sell stock options on their own corpses. Crime is a major problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Captain Lard's national animal is the Jesus, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Gospel of Ben Shapiro.

Captain Lard is ranked 32,392nd in the world and 19th in Lardyland for Most Advanced Law Enforcement, scoring 3,092.9 on the Orwell Orderliness Index.

Fattest Citizens: 663rdHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 716thMost Avoided: 724thLargest Retail Industry: 967thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,019thMost Armed: 1,031stHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1,065thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1,081stMost Secular: 1,122ndHighest Disposable Incomes: 1,314thLargest Mining Sector: 1,361stMost Corrupt Governments: 1,453rdLargest Insurance Industry: 1,504thTop
Rudest Citizens: 2,189thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,449thLargest Gambling Industry: 2,511thHighest Average Incomes: 2,965thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 2,970thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2,996thHighest Crime Rates: 3,376thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 3,827thNudest: 4,021stLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4,263rdMost Scientifically Advanced: 4,690thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 4,871stLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 5,094thLargest Information Technology Sector: 5,640thLargest Black Market: 6,936thTop
Most Subsidized Industry: 9,277thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 9,452ndMost Efficient Economies: 10,290thMost Conservative: 12,741stLargest Agricultural Sector: 15,123rdLargest Governments: 15,473rd
Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionRudest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionTop
Largest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Black Market: 2nd in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 2nd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 2nd in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 2nd in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2nd in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 3rd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 3rd in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 4th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 4th in the regionLargest Governments: 4th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 5th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 5th in the regionNudest: 5th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 5th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 6th in the regionTop
Highest Crime Rates: 7th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 8th in the regionMost Influential: 10th in the regionMost Conservative: 10th in the regionMost Developed: 12th in the region

National Happenings

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