by Max Barry

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Most Avoided: 594th Fattest Citizens: 605th Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 612th
The Please validate me as funny of
Corporate Police State
Nugget, Biscuit, Nugget in a Biscuit
President George W Bush
Civil Rights
Unheard Of
Political Freedom
Unheard Of

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

Captain Lard

Population2.403 billion

CapitalAls Toy Barn
LeaderPresident George W Bush
FaithThe gospel of James Charles

CurrencyThe firstborn son
AnimalJesus of Nazareth

The Please validate me as funny of Captain Lard is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by President George W Bush with an iron fist, and remarkable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, suspicion of poets, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 2.403 billion Lardlings are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Industry, Law & Order, and Education are also considered important, while Environment and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Als Toy Barn. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.5%.

The frighteningly efficient AWESOME economy, worth 608 trillion The firstborn sons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an amazing 253,141 The firstborn sons, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,273,318 per year while the poor average 28,126, a ratio of 45.3 to 1.

Colonists who were promised new lands find only war-torn devastation, children are often punished for the sins of the fathers, nuclear reactors are held together with party string and Hubba Bubba, and families returning from international vacations are unable to get their children back into the country. Crime is pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Captain Lard's national animal is the Jesus of Nazareth, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The gospel of James Charles.

Captain Lard is ranked 173,262nd in the world and 165th in Lardyland for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring -26.46 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.

Most Avoided: 594thFattest Citizens: 605thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 612thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 757thLargest Retail Industry: 867thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 944thMost Armed: 946thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 946thLargest Insurance Industry: 1,098thHighest Disposable Incomes: 1,137thMost Secular: 1,141stMost Corrupt Governments: 1,426thLargest Mining Sector: 1,463rdTop
Rudest Citizens: 2,057thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,277thLargest Gambling Industry: 2,357thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2,676thHighest Average Incomes: 2,701stLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2,860thHighest Crime Rates: 3,133rdLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3,722ndLargest Manufacturing Sector: 3,745thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4,246thMost Scientifically Advanced: 4,312thNudest: 4,464thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 4,693rdLargest Information Technology Sector: 5,645thMost Conservative: 8,066thMost Subsidized Industry: 8,154thLargest Black Market: 8,203rdGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 8,539thTop
Lowest Overall Tax Burden: 8,835thMost Efficient Economies: 10,111thLargest Agricultural Sector: 13,306thLargest Governments: 13,496thMost Extreme: 13,838thMost Pro-Market: 15,375th
Most Avoided: 1st in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionTop
Most Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2nd in the regionRudest Citizens: 2nd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Governments: 3rd in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3rd in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 4th in the regionLargest Black Market: 4th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 4th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 4th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 4th in the regionNudest: 5th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 5th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 5th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 5th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 6th in the regionTop
Most Influential: 10th in the regionMost Conservative: 11th in the regionMost Developed: 12th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 13th in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 14th in the regionLargest Populations: 14th in the region

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