by Max Barry

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The Benevolent Queendom of
Democratic Socialists

Overview Factbook Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

1

The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine History - 2019 March - April

The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine History
2019

March - April

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March 1st, 2019

    • Pandemics are over and done with by the time it takes to pass the nation's stringent border security. #950
    • In a baffling press conference Queen Arbeaone proudly dismantled a broken door. #503

March 2nd, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 20th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Pacifist, with 486.37 Cheeks Turned Per Day.
    • The wearing and manufacture of fur apparel is banned. #145
    • There are no more heroes any more. #935
    • Youth call each other types of vegetables in lieu of government-banned racial insults. #767
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Good to Average.
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March 4th, 2019

    • If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it... Divine Cervinean satellites can detect it. #1099
    • There is a dearth of space for new houses. #331
    • Children are disappointed to learn that cavemen never had a yabba-dabba-doo time riding dinosaurs to work. #1117
    • Fair-weather fans talk during plays while die-hard theatre enthusiasts stay at home. #920 dismiss, only increases Gambling -68.46 → -68.30
    • Companies struggle to cover for the hordes of employees on parental leave. #304
    • One tree's worth of paperwork accompanies each imported log of timber. #937
    • Drug deals return to the streets as legions of undercover officers stalk the dark web. #902

March 6th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 1,474th in the world and 57th in Lazarus for Most Secular, with 99.08 Atheism Rate.
    • The government recently donated a surfboard to an impoverished family in a landlocked region. #908
    • Jabbing a baby's bottle at officials gets parents waved straight through immigration. #1091
    • Bemused citizens are encouraged to sing foreign-language hymns of religions they have never heard of. #632
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March 7th, 2019

    • Park rangers perform full-body searches on suspected fungus smugglers. #749
    • Flu research is commonly shut down for fear of creating a superbug. #708
    • The experimental sculpture "Overtures In Dried Purple Fairy Deer Dung" has been declared a national treasure. #856
    • Newly synthesized elements' half-lives are a million times shorter than the time it takes to say their names. #798

March 8th, 2019

    • Advertisements for jobs in the sciences run in fashion magazines. #548
    • Counselors have to sign pledges supporting gay rights before they can speak to any patients. #616
    • Tax-payers are funding ever more extravagant movie projects. #440

March 9th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 28th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 48,859.27 on the Edu-tellignceฎ Test Score.
    • High school boys are required to pass vigorous self-mastery and sensitivity training to graduate. #504
    • Police officers that upset their bosses get assigned to 24 hour stakeouts of bike sheds. #907
    • Thomas the Spank Engine is the most popular and controversial children's show in the nation. #516
    • The nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms. #226
    • Calling dibs is an unalienable right. #719

March 10th, 2019

    • It is illegal to distribute Girl Guide Cookies without an advanced food hygiene diploma. #705
    • The standardised national curriculum requires that all-male classes be taught why they have periods. #840
    • The seventh son of a seventh son is fated to be a millionaire. #995

March 12th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 8,345th in the world and 178th in Lazarus for Most Stationary, with 1,392.707442 Days.
    • There's a bright dawn ahead for Divine Cervine. #821
    • Feuilletons can only be deciphered with a Galliennais dictionary. #1175
    • Hordes of tourists are ruining the environment. #1086
    • Busy commuters no longer hear the cries of "I want some more!" on the nation's streets. #785
    • Invasive drug testing is now performed at elementary school sports days. #493
    • Judicial robes are the country's hottest fashion trend. #765

March 13th, 2019

    • Birth rates have hit an all-time low. #364
    • A vast monorail network carries people all over the country. #83
    • The latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller. #3
    • There have been sightings of people walking around dressed in nothing but leopard-skin g-strings for 'religious reasons'. #128
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Average to Good.

March 14th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 114th in the world and 2nd in Lazarus for Largest Governments, scoring 93.14 on the Bureaucratic Comprehensiveness Rating Scale Index.
    • All citizens must pass a 'multicultural sensitivity test' to be deemed fit for society. #245
    • Terrorists are on a first name basis with the officials that stamp their passports. #670
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March 15th, 2019

    • The most penniless demographics have by far the highest number of researchers per capita. #763
    • The sound of wooden legs echo throughout Divine Cervine after the recent introduction of the Foot Tax. #135
    • Divine Cervine's Medieval Faire is renowned as one of the best in the region. #61
    • UFO sightings are listed daily in the morning news. #81

March 16th, 2019

    • Tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests. #23
    • The new Refuse Hills housing development is under construction. #342 dismiss lowers Health 58.35 → 58.31
    • Eau de Trashcan has become a wildly popular perfume. #689

March 17th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 1,498th in the world and 51st in Lazarus for Most Secular, with 99.08 Atheism Rate.
    • Artists are pillars of society. #124
    • Carbon-footprint restrictions are making businesses walk. #675
    • Enchanted Wildwood has become the number one destination for urban exploration in Lazarus. #518
    • It is believed that belligerence is a passing phase foreign leaders will soon outgrow. #813
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March 18th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 520th in the world and 8th in Lazarus for Most Income Equality, scoring 99.79 on the Marx-Engels Emancipation Scale.
    • The government officially wants you to slow down and speak more clearly. #644
    • Maxtopian villagers starve by the time Divine Cervinean officials even file the appropriate paperwork needed to help them. #654
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March 20th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 32nd in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 40,401.29 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.
    • Glamping Divine Deerlings won't sleep in a tent that doesn't include a Jacuzzi. #706
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March 21st, 2019

    • Elementary school students are required to master Bach's Chaconne in D before graduation. #959
    • Children as young as six shock their parents by coming out of the closet. #365
    • Employers are finding it hard to screen candidates now that everyone gets A grades in their exams. #830
    • People seem disproportionately distraught when told a museum has a phones-off policy. #582
    • The recital of citations that follows any political speech can be longer than the speech itself. #846
    • Rare art has become a significant factor in negotiating all foreign trade agreements. #492

March 22nd, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 4,781st in the world and 279th in Lazarus for Most Efficient Economies, scoring 100 on the Krugman-Greenspan Business Outlook Index.
    • A suspicious number of male students have joined the Ladies' Wrestling League. #750
    • Serial commas clarify the relationship between one's lackeys, the taxpayers, and kinsfolk. #721
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March 23rd, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 7th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Inclusive, scoring 825.75 on the Mandela-Wollstonecraft Non-Discrimination Index.
    • The words 'private' and 'enterprise' must never appear in the same sentence. #0152
    • Divine Cervine's Political Freedoms fell from Excellent to Very Good.
    • The national policy allowing Public Protest has been cancelled. The right to public protest is considered to be essential.
    • Young children are learning advanced physics to scientifically disprove the existence of Santa Claus. #556
    • All statues and paintings of dogs are being destroyed to avoid offending cat-lovers. #701

March 24th, 2019


March 27th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 140th in the world and 4th in Lazarus for Highest Workforce Participation Rate, with 97.75 Workforce Participation Rate.
    • Both diets and economic output are growing leaner with recent restrictions to free trade. #685
    • Elderly citizens regularly buy posh multimillion-ค luminous orb mansions. #127
    • Turning the other cheek is accompanied by a polite letter of complaint. #1034
    • Body doubles and armed bodyguards escort witnesses to and from courtrooms. #873
    • Libraries are now installed with jacuzzis and mini-bars. #99
    • The nation's ambassadors often conduct their business in jail cells. #912
    • The government has adopted a "Lightning Never Strikes Twice" approach to dealing with natural disasters. #252

March 29th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 19th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Pacifist, with 491.6 Cheeks Turned Per Day.
    • Shelters struggle to keep up with the endless intake of stray animals. #431
    • The government only invests in infrastructure after a natural disaster. #904
    • All the playground's a stage for Divine Cervinean schoolchildren. #984
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March 30th, 2019

    • Politicians have seen a significant reduction in followers on their social media accounts. #992
    • Builders across Divine Cervine are blocked up with orders for new public loos. #525

March 31st, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 4,689th in the world and 222nd in Lazarus for Highest Economic Output, with 2,340 trillion Standard Monetary Units.
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April 1st, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 10th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 31,776.68 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.
    • The government is giving peace a chance. #312
    • Park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets. #557
    • The police are tightening their grip on alcohol smugglers. #185
    • Economic planning is exalted as a human art form. #472
    • The nation has nearly as many history museums as Divine Deerlings. #637
    • The government mails weekly updates on the new anti-junk mail laws to every citizen. #1093

April 2nd, 2019

    • The nation has opened its arms to an influx of refugees. #35

April 3rd, 2019

    • Unpackaged foodstuffs rot on store shelves. #667
    • Suburban backyards are seized by the government and turned into national parks. #457
    • The Finance Ministry posts hourly updates on where taxpayer money is spent. #551
    • One does not simply walk into the tundra. #1013

April 4th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 254th in the world and 7th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 513 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.
    • Several underground organisations in Divine Cervine have recently been spreading discontent throughout the populace about not being able to vote. #177 dismissed
    • Retirement homes are often fitted with luxurious suites. #122
    • Sex changes are routinely performed at Divine Cervine's hospitals. #66
    • Earthquake sirens are a leading cause of hearing loss. #672
    • High-income earners pay a 100% tax rate. #18

April 5th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 13,184th in the world and 674th in Lazarus for Most Scientifically Advanced, scoring 332.46 on the Kurzweil Singularity Index.
    • Groups of government workers are declared protected tribes if they venture too deep into the Capitol. #490
    • Families waiting for delayed pipe installations hope daily for rain. #699
    • The government has instituted 'traveller reservations' across the country. #198
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April 6th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 22nd in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Popular Tourist Destinations, with 5,668.41 Tourists Per Hour.
    • The installation of street lights across remote goat tracks has left citizens bemused. #462
    • The reams of paperwork accompanying any electronic item are a recognised contributor to national deforestation. #890
    • Cotton candy made from genuine cotton cellulose doesn't quite satisfy. #811
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April 8th, 2019

    • Divine Cervine has one of the largest offshore wind farms in the world. #263
    • Children are brainwashed at a young age to accept "love and peace!" as a way of life. #190
    • Pretending to be prejudiced is a good way to get out of jury duty. #858
    • Traumatised refugees have a full bedpan shoved into their hands along with their immigration papers. #1028
    • Conductors wield diamond-encrusted batons to fit in with their freshly gilded surroundings. #293

April 9th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 10th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 31,973.35 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.
    • The Divine Cervinean Intelligence Agency relies on internet search engines to know what is happening overseas. #653
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April 11th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 288th in the world and 7th in Lazarus for Highest Poor Incomes, with 279,325.25 Standard Monetary Units.
    • There are six more weeks of winter if a northerner sees her shadow. #733
    • The government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene. #1195
    • The government's giant servers are often used as a tourist trap. #1100
    • Spoiler warnings are now given out before political speeches. #540
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April 12th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 23rd in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Developed, scoring 99.8 on the Human Development Index.
    • School plays were recently banned due to concerns of child endangerment. #501
    • The government spends millions of ค luminous orbs every year prosecuting spammers. #94
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Good to Average.
    • Sections of the police receive paramilitary training. #455 dismiss increases Arms Manufacturing -63.99 → -63.89
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April 13th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 251st in the world and 7th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 517 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.
    • The Museum of Soybeans is the cultural heart of the nation. #581
    • The government has declared victoria over the cheese menace. #507
    • Television characters who ask how someone's doing are charged with harassment. #1077
    • All beauty contests have been banned. #101
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April 15th, 2019

    • Military strategists are questioning the wisdom of subsidizing the economies of sworn enemies. #663
    • The government funds large training centres to turn purple fairy deer into functioning members of society. #133
    • Space research funding has hit a recent high while several military bases are being closed down. #53
    • Ice-filled coffins are ominously positioned in the corner of every hospital ward. #728

April 16th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 4,801st in the world and 283rd in Lazarus for Most Efficient Economies, scoring 100 on the Krugman-Greenspan Business Outlook Index.
    • Hidden bedroom-cams are installed to catch mothers doing their kids' homework. #910
    • Students are known to arrive at school in their pyjamas. #121
    • Troublemakers boast about how many times they have to visit their therapist. #1008
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April 17th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 78th in the world and 5th in Lazarus for Most Extensive Public Healthcare, scoring 22,750.74 on the Theresa-Nightingale Rating.
    • People reciting Shakespeare have become a common sight. #56
    • Any citizen who cries is immediately assigned a psychiatrist. #394
    • It is against the rules of boxing to hit above or below the belt. #925
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April 19th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 10th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 31,946.21 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.
    • Funeral directors are frequently looking at their watches during funerals. #1198
    • Tourists outnumber citizens two to one. #292
    • Burning twigs to keep warm while lost in the wild is now a felony. #590
    • Couples are discouraged from marrying until they can rank their partner on a scale of one to ten. #1023
    • The nation's youth would rather watch paint dry than the news. #776
    • The nation's generous tax credits have brought all the film studios to the yard. #1154
    • Angry crowds formed yesterday around government offices in Divine Cervine, demanding the reinstatement of free and fair elections. #125 dismissed

April 20th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 225th in the world and 2nd in Lazarus for Smartest Citizens, with 314.01 Quips Per Hour.
    • The endangered saltwater humpback purple fairy deer is only seen in captivity programs. #547
    • Divine Cervinean watches are often the only thing to survive a disaster intact. #1202
    • One tree's worth of paperwork accompanies each imported log of timber. #937
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April 21st, 2019

    • Posters on 'Divine Cervinean Values' advise against being proud of Divine Cervine. #1026
    • Noises louder than a whisper have been prohibited by law. #338
    • Queen Arbeaone can often be found attempting to coax random citizens' cats down from trees. #756

April 22nd, 2019


April 23rd, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 4,810th in the world and 284th in Lazarus for Most Efficient Economies, scoring 100 on the Krugman-Greenspan Business Outlook Index.
    • Consumption of cat memes has skyrocketed. #353
    • Arbitration is mightier than the sword. #131
    • Fashion magazine covers finally display realistic body images following photo-manipulation becoming illegal. #613
    • Films are funded in accordance with the volume of tears shed when reading the screenplay. #1090
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April 24th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 4,589th in the world and 208th in Lazarus for Highest Economic Output, with 2,402 trillion Standard Monetary Units.
    • National parks have long lines of different gender-specific 'Porta-Pottys'. #297
    • Therapists can always squeeze in another house-call. #1049
    • A blood-red mark on the doorframe means a building must be passed over for destruction. #934
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April 25th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 18th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Pacifist, with 496.8 Cheeks Turned Per Day.
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April 26th, 2019

    • People faint regularly as they get stuck with compulsory vaccinations. #92
    • Knitters are arrested for carrying needles in their bags. #1098
    • Supervisors in Divine Cervine commonly tie bells on their necks to alert employees of their presence. #732

April 28th, 2019

    • Mantis shrimp studies is academia's fastest-growing field. #373
    • Students memorise knock-knock jokes for their mandatory twice-a-term Comedy Examinations. #522

April 29th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 77th in the world and 4th in Lazarus for Most Extensive Public Healthcare, scoring 22,819.6 on the Theresa-Nightingale Rating.
    • Ten-year-olds are applying for lemonade stand operator licences. #772
    • Cub scouts are being asked to hand in their woggles as the state withdraws funding for scouting. #642
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April 30th, 2019

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