March - April
March 1st, 2019
- Pandemics are over and done with by the time it takes to pass the nation's stringent border security. #950
In a baffling press conference Queen Arbeaone proudly dismantled a broken door. #503
March 2nd, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 20th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Pacifist, with 486.37 Cheeks Turned Per Day.
The wearing and manufacture of fur apparel is banned. #145
There are no more heroes any more. #935
Youth call each other types of vegetables in lieu of government-banned racial insults. #767
Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Good to Average.
March 4th, 2019
- If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it... Divine Cervinean satellites can detect it. #1099
There is a dearth of space for new houses. #331
Children are disappointed to learn that cavemen never had a yabba-dabba-doo time riding dinosaurs to work. #1117
Fair-weather fans talk during plays while die-hard theatre enthusiasts stay at home. #920 dismiss, only increases Gambling -68.46 → -68.30
Companies struggle to cover for the hordes of employees on parental leave. #304
One tree's worth of paperwork accompanies each imported log of timber. #937
Drug deals return to the streets as legions of undercover officers stalk the dark web. #902
March 6th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 1,474th in the world and 57th in Lazarus for Most Secular, with 99.08 Atheism Rate.
The government recently donated a surfboard to an impoverished family in a landlocked region. #908
Jabbing a baby's bottle at officials gets parents waved straight through immigration. #1091
Bemused citizens are encouraged to sing foreign-language hymns of religions they have never heard of. #632
March 7th, 2019
- Park rangers perform full-body searches on suspected fungus smugglers. #749
Flu research is commonly shut down for fear of creating a superbug. #708
The experimental sculpture "Overtures In Dried Purple Fairy Deer Dung" has been declared a national treasure. #856
Newly synthesized elements' half-lives are a million times shorter than the time it takes to say their names. #798
March 8th, 2019
- Advertisements for jobs in the sciences run in fashion magazines. #548
Counselors have to sign pledges supporting gay rights before they can speak to any patients. #616
Tax-payers are funding ever more extravagant movie projects. #440
March 9th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 28th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 48,859.27 on the Edu-tellignceฎ Test Score.
High school boys are required to pass vigorous self-mastery and sensitivity training to graduate. #504
Police officers that upset their bosses get assigned to 24 hour stakeouts of bike sheds. #907
Thomas the Spank Engine is the most popular and controversial children's show in the nation. #516
The nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms. #226
Calling dibs is an unalienable right. #719
March 10th, 2019
- It is illegal to distribute Girl Guide Cookies without an advanced food hygiene diploma. #705
The standardised national curriculum requires that all-male classes be taught why they have periods. #840
The seventh son of a seventh son is fated to be a millionaire. #995
March 12th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 8,345th in the world and 178th in Lazarus for Most Stationary, with 1,392.707442 Days.
There's a bright dawn ahead for Divine Cervine. #821
Feuilletons can only be deciphered with a Galliennais dictionary. #1175
Hordes of tourists are ruining the environment. #1086
Busy commuters no longer hear the cries of "I want some more!" on the nation's streets. #785
Invasive drug testing is now performed at elementary school sports days. #493
Judicial robes are the country's hottest fashion trend. #765
March 13th, 2019
- Birth rates have hit an all-time low. #364
A vast monorail network carries people all over the country. #83
The latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller. #3
There have been sightings of people walking around dressed in nothing but leopard-skin g-strings for 'religious reasons'. #128
Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Average to Good.
March 14th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 114th in the world and 2nd in Lazarus for Largest Governments, scoring 93.14 on the Bureaucratic Comprehensiveness Rating Scale Index.
All citizens must pass a 'multicultural sensitivity test' to be deemed fit for society. #245
Terrorists are on a first name basis with the officials that stamp their passports. #670
March 15th, 2019
- The most penniless demographics have by far the highest number of researchers per capita. #763
The sound of wooden legs echo throughout Divine Cervine after the recent introduction of the Foot Tax. #135
Divine Cervine's Medieval Faire is renowned as one of the best in the region. #61
UFO sightings are listed daily in the morning news. #81
March 16th, 2019
- Tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests. #23
The new Refuse Hills housing development is under construction. #342 dismiss lowers Health 58.35 → 58.31
Eau de Trashcan has become a wildly popular perfume. #689
March 17th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 1,498th in the world and 51st in Lazarus for Most Secular, with 99.08 Atheism Rate.
Artists are pillars of society. #124
Carbon-footprint restrictions are making businesses walk. #675
Enchanted Wildwood has become the number one destination for urban exploration in Lazarus. #518
It is believed that belligerence is a passing phase foreign leaders will soon outgrow. #813
March 18th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 520th in the world and 8th in Lazarus for Most Income Equality, scoring 99.79 on the Marx-Engels Emancipation Scale.
The government officially wants you to slow down and speak more clearly. #644
Maxtopian villagers starve by the time Divine Cervinean officials even file the appropriate paperwork needed to help them. #654
March 20th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 32nd in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 40,401.29 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.
Glamping Divine Deerlings won't sleep in a tent that doesn't include a Jacuzzi. #706
March 21st, 2019
- Elementary school students are required to master Bach's Chaconne in D before graduation. #959
Children as young as six shock their parents by coming out of the closet. #365
Employers are finding it hard to screen candidates now that everyone gets A grades in their exams. #830
People seem disproportionately distraught when told a museum has a phones-off policy. #582
The recital of citations that follows any political speech can be longer than the speech itself. #846
Rare art has become a significant factor in negotiating all foreign trade agreements. #492
March 22nd, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 4,781st in the world and 279th in Lazarus for Most Efficient Economies, scoring 100 on the Krugman-Greenspan Business Outlook Index.
A suspicious number of male students have joined the Ladies' Wrestling League. #750
Serial commas clarify the relationship between one's lackeys, the taxpayers, and kinsfolk. #721
March 23rd, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 7th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Inclusive, scoring 825.75 on the Mandela-Wollstonecraft Non-Discrimination Index.
The words 'private' and 'enterprise' must never appear in the same sentence. #0152
Divine Cervine's Political Freedoms fell from Excellent to Very Good.
The national policy allowing Public Protest has been cancelled. The right to public protest is considered to be essential.
Young children are learning advanced physics to scientifically disprove the existence of Santa Claus. #556
All statues and paintings of dogs are being destroyed to avoid offending cat-lovers. #701
March 24th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 33rd in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 40,338.41 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.
March 27th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 140th in the world and 4th in Lazarus for Highest Workforce Participation Rate, with 97.75 Workforce Participation Rate.
Both diets and economic output are growing leaner with recent restrictions to free trade. #685
Elderly citizens regularly buy posh multimillion-ค luminous orb mansions. #127
Turning the other cheek is accompanied by a polite letter of complaint. #1034
Body doubles and armed bodyguards escort witnesses to and from courtrooms. #873
Libraries are now installed with jacuzzis and mini-bars. #99
The nation's ambassadors often conduct their business in jail cells. #912
The government has adopted a "Lightning Never Strikes Twice" approach to dealing with natural disasters. #252
March 29th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 19th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Pacifist, with 491.6 Cheeks Turned Per Day.
Shelters struggle to keep up with the endless intake of stray animals. #431
The government only invests in infrastructure after a natural disaster. #904
All the playground's a stage for Divine Cervinean schoolchildren. #984
March 30th, 2019
- Politicians have seen a significant reduction in followers on their social media accounts. #992
Builders across Divine Cervine are blocked up with orders for new public loos. #525
March 31st, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 4,689th in the world and 222nd in Lazarus for Highest Economic Output, with 2,340 trillion Standard Monetary Units.
April 1st, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 10th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 31,776.68 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.
The government is giving peace a chance. #312
Park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets. #557
The police are tightening their grip on alcohol smugglers. #185
Economic planning is exalted as a human art form. #472
The nation has nearly as many history museums as Divine Deerlings. #637
The government mails weekly updates on the new anti-junk mail laws to every citizen. #1093
April 2nd, 2019
- The nation has opened its arms to an influx of refugees. #35
April 3rd, 2019
- Unpackaged foodstuffs rot on store shelves. #667
Suburban backyards are seized by the government and turned into national parks. #457
The Finance Ministry posts hourly updates on where taxpayer money is spent. #551
One does not simply walk into the tundra. #1013
April 4th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 254th in the world and 7th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 513 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.
Several underground organisations in Divine Cervine have recently been spreading discontent throughout the populace about not being able to vote. #177 dismissed
Retirement homes are often fitted with luxurious suites. #122
Sex changes are routinely performed at Divine Cervine's hospitals. #66
Earthquake sirens are a leading cause of hearing loss. #672
High-income earners pay a 100% tax rate. #18
April 5th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 13,184th in the world and 674th in Lazarus for Most Scientifically Advanced, scoring 332.46 on the Kurzweil Singularity Index.
Groups of government workers are declared protected tribes if they venture too deep into the Capitol. #490
Families waiting for delayed pipe installations hope daily for rain. #699
The government has instituted 'traveller reservations' across the country. #198
April 6th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 22nd in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Popular Tourist Destinations, with 5,668.41 Tourists Per Hour.
The installation of street lights across remote goat tracks has left citizens bemused. #462
The reams of paperwork accompanying any electronic item are a recognised contributor to national deforestation. #890
Cotton candy made from genuine cotton cellulose doesn't quite satisfy. #811
April 8th, 2019
- Divine Cervine has one of the largest offshore wind farms in the world. #263
Children are brainwashed at a young age to accept "love and peace!" as a way of life. #190
Pretending to be prejudiced is a good way to get out of jury duty. #858
Traumatised refugees have a full bedpan shoved into their hands along with their immigration papers. #1028
Conductors wield diamond-encrusted batons to fit in with their freshly gilded surroundings. #293
April 9th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 10th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 31,973.35 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.
The Divine Cervinean Intelligence Agency relies on internet search engines to know what is happening overseas. #653
April 11th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 288th in the world and 7th in Lazarus for Highest Poor Incomes, with 279,325.25 Standard Monetary Units.
There are six more weeks of winter if a northerner sees her shadow. #733
The government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene. #1195
The government's giant servers are often used as a tourist trap. #1100
Spoiler warnings are now given out before political speeches. #540
April 12th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 23rd in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Developed, scoring 99.8 on the Human Development Index.
School plays were recently banned due to concerns of child endangerment. #501
The government spends millions of ค luminous orbs every year prosecuting spammers. #94
Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Good to Average.
Sections of the police receive paramilitary training. #455 dismiss increases Arms Manufacturing -63.99 → -63.89
April 13th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 251st in the world and 7th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 517 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.
The Museum of Soybeans is the cultural heart of the nation. #581
The government has declared victoria over the cheese menace. #507
Television characters who ask how someone's doing are charged with harassment. #1077
All beauty contests have been banned. #101
April 15th, 2019
- Military strategists are questioning the wisdom of subsidizing the economies of sworn enemies. #663
The government funds large training centres to turn purple fairy deer into functioning members of society. #133
Space research funding has hit a recent high while several military bases are being closed down. #53
Ice-filled coffins are ominously positioned in the corner of every hospital ward. #728
April 16th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 4,801st in the world and 283rd in Lazarus for Most Efficient Economies, scoring 100 on the Krugman-Greenspan Business Outlook Index.
Hidden bedroom-cams are installed to catch mothers doing their kids' homework. #910
Students are known to arrive at school in their pyjamas. #121
Troublemakers boast about how many times they have to visit their therapist. #1008
April 17th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 78th in the world and 5th in Lazarus for Most Extensive Public Healthcare, scoring 22,750.74 on the Theresa-Nightingale Rating.
People reciting Shakespeare have become a common sight. #56
Any citizen who cries is immediately assigned a psychiatrist. #394
It is against the rules of boxing to hit above or below the belt. #925
April 19th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 10th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 31,946.21 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.
Funeral directors are frequently looking at their watches during funerals. #1198
Tourists outnumber citizens two to one. #292
Burning twigs to keep warm while lost in the wild is now a felony. #590
Couples are discouraged from marrying until they can rank their partner on a scale of one to ten. #1023
The nation's youth would rather watch paint dry than the news. #776
The nation's generous tax credits have brought all the film studios to the yard. #1154
Angry crowds formed yesterday around government offices in Divine Cervine, demanding the reinstatement of free and fair elections. #125 dismissed
April 20th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 225th in the world and 2nd in Lazarus for Smartest Citizens, with 314.01 Quips Per Hour.
The endangered saltwater humpback purple fairy deer is only seen in captivity programs. #547
Divine Cervinean watches are often the only thing to survive a disaster intact. #1202
One tree's worth of paperwork accompanies each imported log of timber. #937
April 21st, 2019
- Posters on 'Divine Cervinean Values' advise against being proud of Divine Cervine. #1026
Noises louder than a whisper have been prohibited by law. #338
Queen Arbeaone can often be found attempting to coax random citizens' cats down from trees. #756
April 22nd, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 8th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Inclusive, scoring 833.31 on the Mandela-Wollstonecraft Non-Discrimination Index.
Community-designed sword prostheses are becoming dangerously common. #709
April 23rd, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 4,810th in the world and 284th in Lazarus for Most Efficient Economies, scoring 100 on the Krugman-Greenspan Business Outlook Index.
Consumption of cat memes has skyrocketed. #353
Arbitration is mightier than the sword. #131
Fashion magazine covers finally display realistic body images following photo-manipulation becoming illegal. #613
Films are funded in accordance with the volume of tears shed when reading the screenplay. #1090
April 24th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 4,589th in the world and 208th in Lazarus for Highest Economic Output, with 2,402 trillion Standard Monetary Units.
National parks have long lines of different gender-specific 'Porta-Pottys'. #297
Therapists can always squeeze in another house-call. #1049
A blood-red mark on the doorframe means a building must be passed over for destruction. #934
April 25th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 18th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Pacifist, with 496.8 Cheeks Turned Per Day.
April 26th, 2019
- People faint regularly as they get stuck with compulsory vaccinations. #92
Knitters are arrested for carrying needles in their bags. #1098
Supervisors in Divine Cervine commonly tie bells on their necks to alert employees of their presence. #732
April 28th, 2019
- Mantis shrimp studies is academia's fastest-growing field. #373
Students memorise knock-knock jokes for their mandatory twice-a-term Comedy Examinations. #522
April 29th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 77th in the world and 4th in Lazarus for Most Extensive Public Healthcare, scoring 22,819.6 on the Theresa-Nightingale Rating.
Ten-year-olds are applying for lemonade stand operator licences. #772
Cub scouts are being asked to hand in their woggles as the state withdraws funding for scouting. #642
April 30th, 2019
- Divine Cervinean housewives become unusually flustered when thinking about Queen Arbeaone. #1203
The nation's diplomats shake hands with those whose hands are drenched in the blood of innocents. #807
Divine Cervine published "The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine History - 2019 May - June" (Factbook: History).