May - June
May 1st, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 15th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Compassionate Citizens, scoring 295.22 on the Kitten Softness Rating.
Nude art is becoming wildly popular. #52
Giggling teens are asked to put their mouths on rubber dolls. #1138
The government spends more on chasing distant comets than on basic infrastructure. #419
May 2nd, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 10th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 31,848.68 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.
Excessive wheelchair ramps on government buildings have been compared to theme park attractions. #659
Male med students learning female anatomy do so with their eyes tightly closed. #1135
May 3rd, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 51st in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Highest Average Tax Rates, with 109.41 Effective Tax Rate.
Bins outnumber trees in city parks. #1007
May 4th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 485th in the world and 8th in Lazarus for Most Income Equality, scoring 99.89 on the Marx-Engels Emancipation Scale.
May 5th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 2,457th in the world and 110th in Lazarus for Largest Publishing Industry, scoring 23,183.12 on the Bella Potter Productivity e-Index.
The phrase 'spreading like wildfire' is no longer in the public lexicon. #628
There's a shortage of swinging hot spots as land development grinds to a halt. #138
Future forecasters fearfully discuss grey goo and human obsolescence. #626
The government has solemnly sworn not to look up other nations' internet browsing history if the favor is returned. #650
Five-year-olds who refuse to line up on command get gold stars. #1131
May 6th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 1,051st in the world and 52nd in Lazarus for Most Advanced Public Transport, scoring 8,601.14 on the Societal Mobility Rating.
Students consistently complain that the wi-fi ate their homework. #1208
The volume of paperwork used to complete a single environmental assessment defeats the purpose. #1058
May 8th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 11th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 31,867.16 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.
Nouveau riche farmers diligently take care of their golden calf herds. #1075
Badminton was recently banned due to 'unacceptable violence' inherent to the game. #239
Occam's razor has sliced to pieces any childhood belief in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. #897
Students are wary of colorfully decorated new teachers with names like Professor Pipsqueak. #276
May 9th, 2019
- Community centers have arisen from the ashes of demolished houses of worship.#914
Droves of former desperados are applying to join the border police. #321
Polygraphs are relegated to the dungeon exhibit in castle museums. #1201
May 10th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 17th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Pacifist, with 498.71 Cheeks Turned Per Day.
Animal liberationists receive government funding to break into animal research labs. #502
Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Average to Good.
Queen Arbeaone has more friends than ever before. #602
May 11th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 1,059th in the world and 53rd in Lazarus for Most Advanced Public Transport, scoring 8,588.42 on the Societal Mobility Rating.
Drills and shovels have been banned as the government cracks down on any means of fracking. #449
The national anthem is a rather effective sleeping aid. #633
Census workers struggle to account for the rapidly increasing number of citizens to tabulate. #491
May 13th, 2019
- Almost all of the nation's water is piped into the country from abroad for exorbitant prices. #264
Excited shovel-bearing geeks wander the countryside. #630
In this vegetarian nation the delicious smell of roasted meat is oddly commonplace. #625
Queen Arbeaone wears a chewed-up rubber chicken suit to meet foreign delegates. #1213
May 14th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 11th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 31,822.08 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.
Illegal hunting is rife after veganism was recently made compulsory. #205
There's never enough space in space. #754
May 16th, 2019
- Eau de Trashcan has become a wildly popular perfume. #689
Scientists earn more grant money for reproducing old experiments than trying anything new. #999
Purple fairy deer have more rights than the average citizen. #60
Where there's a will there is usually a password manager. #926
May 18th, 2019
- A suspicious number of male students have joined the Ladies' Wrestling League. #750
Divine Cervine's free colleges struggle to maintain standards in the face of overwhelming demand. #93
May 19th, 2019
- The justice of Divine Cervine is considered superior to that of other nations. #1015 dismiss, only increases Rudeness
One-man canoes fitted with the latest tracking technology leave no room for one man. #1212
Children crying over dropped ice creams are offered high doses of experimental antidepressants. #576
Welfare funding has recently gone through the roof. #164
May 20th, 2019
- The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine was founded on this day in the year 2015.
Divine Cervine is ranked 264th in the world and 9th in Lazarus for Least Corrupt Governments, with 98.84 Percentage Of Bribes Refused.
Conspiracy theorists allege that the government is spying on them through their carbon monoxide detectors. #834
The Fashion Channel can only be viewed on widescreen TVs. #887
Radio shows frequently feature people denouncing religion. #219
The government is continually probing the galaxy in search of alien life. #589
May 21st, 2019
- Prudishness is on the way out. #411
Interest in globalism never flags. #1114
No one is quite sure what many government officials look like. #852
May 23rd, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 148th in the world and 4th in Lazarus for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 94.68 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.
Super Barry Brothers is the most popular video game in the nation. #485
Earthquake sirens are a leading cause of hearing loss. #672
Research grant proposals read like political diatribes. #523
There's nothing more gay than bleeding for your nation. #1214
While effusively praising Divine Cervines leadership and bowing repeatedly, a delegation has humbly requested that the government take a more modernistic view in the future. #11 dismissed
May 24th, 2019
- The banshee wail foretells skies of death. #974
The government sends submarines to retrieve bodies from shipwrecked submarines. #1029
May 25th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 146th in the world and 5th in Lazarus for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 94.73 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.
The nation locks people up and tells them they're mad for compassion's sake. #1037
Citizens can only enjoy the splendor of the natural world in designated 'Majesty Appreciation' zones. #1164
Construction of the Really Big Hadron Collider is underway. #249
May 26th, 2019
- The nation's leader is normally just referred to as "snuggle-wuggle-huggy-bear". #1171
Helping grandma with her Misgendering 101 homework is a national rite of passage. #1073
RPG fans reminisce fondly about when people thought they were evil and dangerous rather than geeky and socially inept. #624
Flu research is commonly shut down for fear of creating a superbug. #708
May 27th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 1,037th in the world and 38th in Lazarus for Most Secular, with 99.1 Atheism Rate.
Children are raised bilingual from an early age. #71
May 28th, 2019
- Scoutmasters debate whether luxury log cabins defeat the purpose of camping. #661
Space shuttles regularly launch rubbish into space. #97
Pro-democracy regime change has been avoided. #359
The police have been known to wiretap confessional boxes. #648
Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Good to Average.
It can be a real jungle in a modern courtroom. #1217
Queen Arbeaone's luxurious new home has been designated as a protected cultural heritage site. #600
May 29th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 8,024th in the world and 172nd in Lazarus for Most Stationary, with 1,470.70739208 Days.
Sales of disinfectant wipes have skyrocketed. #786
May 30th, 2019
- Companies struggle to cover for the hordes of employees on parental leave. #304
May 31st, 2019
- The nation is currently revamping its entire education system. #64
In a baffling press conference Queen Arbeaone proudly dismantled a broken door. #503
Queen Arbeaone's media campaigns take a hiatus around exam week. #773
The new national mascot has to be wheeled onto the field of play. #385
June 1st, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 244th in the world and 7th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 524 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.
The "Underwear of Women in Power" issue of The Enchanted Wildwood Times is sold out. #275
The nation's politicians are known more for the internet memes they spawn than any of their accomplishments. #963
Popular cartoon characters frequently appear in government-sponsored PSAs reminding students to say no to drugs. #565
Sleep-deprived officials are known to collapse after late night revision for their examinations. #1088
June 2nd, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 487th in the world and 20th in Lazarus for Most Subsidized Industry, scoring 16,593.62 on the Gilded Widget Scale.
The nation has opened its arms to an influx of refugees. #35
There's a literal nanny state for the legions of children taken by social services. #739
Internet moderator is one of the most popular jobs among the nation's more socially awkward citizens. #875
The nation grinds to a halt for afternoon tea. #768
The nation's taxpayers pay for foreign government's extravagances. #677
June 3rd, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 146th in the world and 5th in Lazarus for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 94.78 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.
Government bureaucrats shut down teenage yard-raking businesses for being counter-revolutionary.#1137
June 5th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 4,234th in the world and 198th in Lazarus for Highest Economic Output, with 2,509 trillion Standard Monetary Units.
Young children are learning advanced physics to scientifically disprove the existence of Santa Claus. #556
UFO sightings are listed daily in the morning news. #81
The WhoTube comments section has gone strangely quiet. #636
A government program is underway to revitalize Divine Cervine's beaches. #31
Women have a strange proclivity for dressing up as caped weasels. #838
Panicking criminals no longer flush contraband down the toilet. #1030
June 6th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 491st in the world and 19th in Lazarus for Most Subsidized Industry, scoring 16,564.78 on the Gilded Widget Scale.
Listless juries are assembled for the simplest of court cases. #410
June 8th, 2019
- Small children are learning a lot of new words from a teacher with Tourette Syndrome. #1012
Refugees from other nations are flocking to Divine Cervine's border. #47
The government is promoting multicultural values with the new 'Just Be Nice, OK?' initiative. #262
An endless multinational bureaucracy connects the Red Bloc. #577
There have been sightings of people walking around dressed in nothing but leopard-skin g-strings for 'religious reasons'. #128
June 9th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 70th in the world and 3rd in Lazarus for Most Extensive Public Healthcare, scoring 23,096.93 on the Theresa-Nightingale Rating.
Churches across the land are hurriedly installing auto-tune for their choirs. #333
Queen Arbeaone's office has a newly installed Max-Man arcade game programmed by a 5th-grader. #683
June 10th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 41st in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring 11,530.69 on the Clooney Contribution Index.
The Divine Cervinean Babysitters Club has proven to be a huge relief to stressed-out parents across the nation. #448
There is a dearth of space for new houses. #331
A vast monorail network carries people all over the country. #83
June 11th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 33rd in the world and 2nd in Lazarus for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 40,671.22 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.
The nation has an international reputation for compassion. #36
June 12th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 146th in the world and 6th in Lazarus for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 94.83 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.
The new national campaign exhorts men to "Show Some Class - Don't Sit On Your Ass". #1009
Enemy navies sail within bombardment range of major coastal cities with impunity. #1062
Anti-government political posters adorn every building like wallpaper. #207
Divine Cervine's Political Freedoms rose from Very Good to Excellent.
The national policy for Public Protest has been reinstalled. The right to public protest is considered to be essential.
June 13th, 2019
- Criminals and college students are taking an interest in the government's new weed-killing program. #505
Advertisements for jobs in the sciences run in fashion magazines. #548
Prolonged government investigations are a common revenge tactic among spurned spouses. #836
June 14th, 2019
- Stuttering trypanophobes are doomed never to marry. #943
Authorities are looking for a stool pigeon to rat out who is stealing food from pigeon toilets. #758
There's a bright dawn ahead for Divine Cervine. #821
June 15th, 2019
- Several underground organisations in Divine Cervine have recently been spreading discontent throughout the populace about not being able to vote. #177 dismissed
Sullen teenagers in bright orange 'community payback' onesies can be seen picking litter at the roadside. #543
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it... Divine Cervinean satellites can detect it. #1099
It is believed that belligerence is a passing phase foreign leaders will soon outgrow. #813
Barbed wire entanglements and guard towers surround the Enchanted Wildwood Natural History Museum. #655
10-year-olds who struggle with integrating by parts are considered slow learners. #892
Organ donation is compulsory. #26
Vaccinations are mandatory. #413
June 17th, 2019
- The Divine Cervinean Intelligence Agency relies on internet search engines to know what is happening overseas. #653
School plays were recently banned due to concerns of child endangerment. #501
Explicit slash fiction is repackaged for kindergarten kids as stories about friends cuddling friends. #880
The Finance Ministry posts hourly updates on where taxpayer money is spent. #551
Politicians have seen a significant reduction in followers on their social media accounts. #992
June 18th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 4,156th in the world and 193rd in Lazarus for Highest Economic Output, with 2,545 trillion Standard Monetary Units.
Turning the other cheek is accompanied by a polite letter of complaint. #1034
June 19th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 12th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 31,761.76 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.
Enchanted Wildwood has become the number one destination for urban exploration in Lazarus. #518
Citizens are frequently searched for illegal weapons. #149
Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Average to Below Average.
Youth call each other types of vegetables in lieu of government-banned racial insults. #767
June 21st, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 1,063rd in the world and 61st in Lazarus for Most Advanced Public Transport, scoring 8,504.45 on the Societal Mobility Rating.
Doctors spend more time writing sick notes than caring for the sick. #1148
Orphans would rather live their life of luxury than be adopted by prospective parents. #638
Cotton candy made from genuine cotton cellulose doesn't quite satisfy. #811
Schools have extensive counseling programs for troubled students. #62
The Museum of Soybeans is the cultural heart of the nation. #581
Counselors have to sign pledges supporting gay rights before they can speak to any patients. #616
June 24th, 2019
- Cogitators and mass debaters are skiving off work to hang around the National Symposium Park. #803
The nation's ambassadors often conduct their business in jail cells. #912
Divine Cervine's Medieval Faire is renowned as one of the best in the region. #61
The amount welfare recipients spend on fertilizer has exploded. #720
Older citizens lament over the loss of law and order. #1237
High-income earners pay a 100% tax rate. #18
Employers are finding it hard to screen candidates now that everyone gets A grades in their exams. #830
June 25th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 16th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Developed, scoring 99.89 on the Human Development Index.
Burning twigs to keep warm while lost in the wild is now a felony. #590
Farting etiquette is taught in schools. #946
Drug deals return to the streets as legions of undercover officers stalk the dark web. #902
June 26th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 38th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring 11,632.55 on the Clooney Contribution Index.
Hordes of tourists are ruining the environment. #1086
There are no more heroes any more. #935
June 28th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 8th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Inclusive, scoring 856.67 on the Mandela-Wollstonecraft Non-Discrimination Index.
An increasing percentage of the population's youth have homosexual parents. #218
Bitter pastors forced to officiate gay marriage 'accidentally' pronounce couples "husband and abomination". #759
The words 'private' and 'enterprise' must never appear in the same sentence. #152
Divine Cervine's Political Freedoms fell from Excellent to Very Good.
The national policy allowing Public Protest has been cancelled. The right to public protest is considered to be essential.
Tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests. #23
Busy commuters no longer hear the cries of "I want some more!" on the nation's streets. #785
June 29th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 30th in the world and 2nd in Lazarus for Most Beautiful Environments, with 11,416.5 Pounds Of Wildlife Per Square Mile.
June 30th, 2019
- Divine Cervine is ranked 33rd in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Best Weather, with 2,240 Meters Of Sunlight.
Couples are discouraged from marrying until they can rank their partner on a scale of one to ten. #1023
The experimental sculpture "Overtures In Dried Purple Fairy Deer Dung" has been declared a national treasure. #856
There are six more weeks of winter if a northerner sees her shadow. #733
Invasive drug testing is now performed at elementary school sports days. #493
Divine Cervine published "The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine History - 2019 July - September" (Factbook: History).