The Retired Kingdom of Griffin Parker is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Griffin Caedus with an even hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, ban on automobiles, and anti-smoking policies. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 31.216 billion Griffin Parkerians enjoy some of the most opulent lifestyles in the region, unless they are unemployed or working-class, in which case they are variously starving to death or crippled by easily preventable diseases.

The medium-sized, corrupt government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Education and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Spirituality and International Aid are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Parker City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 39.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Griffin Parkerian economy, worth a remarkable 4,872 trillion griffs a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Gambling, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 156,093 griffs, with the richest citizens earning 7.7 times as much as the poorest.

Tensions between the young and old have risen to record levels, toy versions of heroin paraphernalia let kids pretend to be their favourite TV characters, bins outnumber trees in city parks, and snooze factory is now prison lingo for rehabilitation center. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, probably because of the absence of a police force. Griffin Parker's national animal is the squirrel, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Griffin Parker is ranked 293,263^rd in the world and 19^th in Equinox for Lowest Crime Rates, with 4.1 law-abiding acts per hour.