The Confederacy of Hamptoria is a massive, safe nation, ruled by President Robert Hampton with an even hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, compulsory military service, and frequent executions. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic population of 2.399 billion Hamptorians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Libertas. The average income tax rate is 32.8%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The Hamptorian economy, worth 126 trillion Generals a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Basket Weaving industry, with major contributions from Trout Farming, Information Technology, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is 52,925 Generals, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Military equipment stores have a tendency to go up in flames, the nation's taxpayers pay for foreign government's extravagances, Brancaland has gifted over nine thousand putrid moose carcasses to Hamptoria as a reminder of their "special relationship", and truncheon-mounted cameras record the beating of criminals in dynamic HD detail. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Hamptoria's national animal is the Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Christianity.

Hamptoria is ranked 58,683^rd in the world and 89^th in Conch Kingdom for Rudest Citizens, with 66.06 Insults Per Minute.