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The Mad Surfer - June 2018 Edition

JUNE 2018
"People don't actually read newspapers.
They step into them like a hot bath."

-- Marshall McLuhan

Weather: Sunny
Air temp: perfect
Water temp: perfect
Waves: Epic!

XKIslanders are political animals who LOVE their elections, which is why we have a couple of them every other month. In the month of May, we had a couple of blockbusters. The reputation of @kozmix as a Senator of Blue Canaria North is such that no one took up the mantle to run against him, knowing it would be a futile task at best. As a consequence, Senator Koz repeated easily in a unanimous landslide. Congrats, Koz, no one does it better!
The race for New Republica South, on the other hand, was hotly contested. A relative newcomer to the Islands, Jabberwocky demonstrated his civic spirit by entering the contest early; when it appeared he might, like Kozmix, run against no foe, he appealed personally to TIP, TDP, and WAPP, beseeching them to enter a contestant. Fortunately, political veteran thepeninsular was quick to throw his hat into the ring, rendering this race a vital political battle. To quote Jabberwocky, “To run uncontested violates the spirit of the political arena; it is important to keep the spirit of competition alive. No opponent means no victory.”
Meanwhile, The Peninsular had this to say about his own campaign:
“The state is an affair of the people", a quote which I could not agree with more, as well as my strong will to help improve the Islands, motivate me to run in this election. Firstly, I'd like to say that Ater Nox has done a marvelous job at improving the political party environment, for example introducing the Delegate Debate that had its debut during the last election. I intend to keep this up if I get elected, not only for Delegate elections, but also on the level of a Senatorial election. Furthermore, I intend to expand on this concept and introduce a platform for regular debates about political matters, as well as encourage new players to check out the party system and contribute to the political process in the Islands.”
Initially, Jabberwocky got off to a quick start and took a nearly lead, at one point ahead of his opponent 17-10. But, predictably, TDP staged a late comeback, and, with only scant minutes remaining, the tally was 20-20. However, due, no doubt, to Jabberwocky’s indefatigable late campaigning, urging citizens to get to the polls, a vote was changed, the final count being 21-19 in favor of Jabberwocky. Ever the gracious diplomat, The Peninsular was quick to demand a recount congratulate his opponent for tampering by a foreign power running a clean campaign. You can be certain that all parties are vicious cutthroats devoted to working together to make the 10000 Islands a better place!

As Islanders know very well, May 8 was TITO Day. An XKI-wide moment of silence was observed in honor of those who have fallen CTE in the last year. After that solemn pause, a celebration ensued under the watchful eye of TITO XO Hakketomat , who bestowed honors upon the deserving. We quote:
“This day also is a day for us at TITO Command to recognize and appreciate the newcomers to our ranks. The Steadfast Badge is an award given to TITO members for displaying the core qualities of TITO : Loyalty, Honesty, Friendship and Steadfast Commitment. Today, we award the Steadfast Badge to the following nations: Lethoica , Jabberwocky, thepeninsular. Kozmix, and Flemingisa.
Moreover we want to recognize a handful of our updaters for serving with distinction and dedication during the NationStates updates. It is my pleasure to award the TITO Quick Reaction Force Combat Pin to the following nations:
Aschente , Siuts , @ Shy Guy , @ Lethoica , Jabberwocky , thepeninsular , @ Kozmix , and Flemingisa .”
Folks, that ain’t all. In addition, Hakke had this to say: “Today, we would also take the opportunity to recognize the valiant service of our most outstanding TITO Tactical Officer, Kanta Hame!"
While being in the position for nearly three consecutive years, Sir @kanta Hame has trained most of the current and active update forces. He is one of the most active coast watchers not only within TITO, but also through all of Defenderdom. His leadership skills has made him a reliable and respected voice by leaders of other defender organizations.
For Sir Kanta Hame's dedication, it is only befitting to award him the Anime Daisuki Cross which is given to "TITO nations for superb command aptitude and ongoing leadership to within TITO and the defender world as a whole." The fact that you see the same names repeated only serves to indicate how hard these valiant defenders work on shores domestic and international.
But his XOness still had a long day ahead as he had yet to announce a TRIPLE PROMOTION!!
“First one up is Sir 104 Banbury Road! He may be one of our more silent members but his service goes for more than three and a half years. During his time with us, he has taken part in the Lazarus Liberation and Lone Wolves United Campaign as well as taken part in two refounds. Recently, I awarded Sir @104 Banbury Road his 100th TITO Battle Star and it is therefore my honor to promote him to TITO Knight Commander and award him the Knight Commander Medal!
Second one up is Sir Louisistan ! Known to many of us as a dedicated leader, Sir Louisistan has served on TITO Command as both Executive Officer and Tactical officer multiple times. He has also served our region as Delegate. Some time ago, I awarded Sir Louisistan his 150th TITO Battle Star and it is therefore my honor to promote him to TITO Knight Battalion Commander and award him the Knight Battalion Commander Medal!
Third one up is Sir @ater Nox! Sir Ater Nox is closing up to seven years of service to TITO. Sir Ater Nox may not have served 10000 Islands as Delegate but he has, instead, served as the most celebrated Delegate of the Lone Wolves United. Currently, Sir Ater Nox is Taco Island's incorruptible Mayor and has a long record of service to our region as Senator and Tactical Officer. It was not long ago that I awarded him his 400th TITO Battle Star. It truly is an honor to promote Sir Ater Nox to TITO Knight Fleet Commander and award him the Knight Fleet Commander Medal!”
Finally, Hakke took a seat, but only very briefly as Aersoldorf had the pleasure of presenting to Hakke his own promotion. We cite here Aerso’s stirring speech:

Fellow members of TITO,
It is with great honor that I stand before you today in front of the statue of Ad Infinitum, the first Islander to serve in the position of TITO XO. We are gathered here today for the promotion ceremony of our beloved XO, the huggable vampire himself - Hakketomat .
Today also marks the 3 year anniversary of Hakketomat joining the ranks of TITO. During his time with us he has amassed a grand total of 155 Battle Stars. In addition to that, he has also been awarded the Knight's Medal, Knight Commander Medal, The Woonsocket Bronze Star, the Lazarus Liberation Medal, the Lone Wolves United Campaign Medal, the TITO 2500th Mission Medal, the Paradoxia Liberation Medal, the TITO Quick Response Force Combat Pin, and the TITO Steadfast Badge. He has also earned 1 Coast Watcher Eagle and 1 TITO Refound Pin.
These achievements reflect the tremendous amount of time and energy that Hakketomat has dedicated to our worthy cause, but the say nothing of the tremendous amount of work that he does behind closed doors. Maintaining the War Records for each and every one of us, maintaining Battle Star Rankings and keeping the list of missions up to date requires an immense amount of work and we are very fortunate to have someone so willing to devote so much of their free time.
So, now, without further ado, it is my sincere honor and pleasure to grant this award to our newest Knight Battalion Commander.”
Be sure to stop by TITO Headquarters to admire the stunning collection of statues and medals.

by Kozmix

It is evident that residents of the 10000 Islands are the most intelligent in the known world, and hence the most likely to keep up with the issues that abound across the globe. Our intrepid reporter, Kozmix, follows each issue presented to the World Assembly and Security Council, poring over every proposal made as well as the ensuing debate that follows each. Herein, Koz presents our astute citizenry with the latest world news.

General Assembly

May 2018 saw some growth in the medical legislation in the World Assembly. Hushed voices and loud protests alike, no one could deny that the Delegation from the famed "Bears Armed Mission" had a pretty decent argument and a clear cut case. The forums did erupt with many ranges of emotion on the touchy topic that this resolution touched upon: Traditional Medicine.

A bit about the resolution first. Traditional medicine, or the "mom and pop wellness treatment" is a common practice in many nations with a rich cultural past. Who among us has not had the pleasure of loving ourselves some salamander blood to cure that nasty boil, or a dish of frog legs for the little itch in your brain? Noone? Just me? Okay, well, um.... This legislation talks about just that. as much as your grandma believes in the power of the goat's horns in a soup of shark fins and snake fangs, it can not be distributed as medicine, because it isn't. Not before it goes through the same testing mechanism as the best of our medicines, like anthrax or marijuana Tylenol or ibuprofen.

I can already hear some of you groan "Really? THIS was the big buggery? Wh.. Why even wasn't this in play already? What STOPPED people from testing snake fangs before prescribing them?" Well, a lot. First, NationStates is a multispecies community. This means that a human based medical law or practices can not be imposed on them directly. Now, the second problem is that in making a resolution too inclusive, it becomes too vague and susceptible to loopholes. There exist drafts that lost at quorum, simply because they were either too vague, or too non-inclusive. This proposal was, in my research, the first to be both clear on all fronts: Testing, verification of testing and distribution and access. Bears Armed has done a very thorugh job with the proposal, and it now stands as GA Resolution #429 as of May 9 2018.

The process took four drafts, and the initial reactions were of support, as soon as it hit the forum floor. However, issues were raised when traditional medicine had to be defined, which the original draft did not have. There were obviously those nations that voiced concerns as to who this was applicable to, sentient versus sapient beings, as well as those who believed that their soverignity was under threat in determining the best course of action for the people sick in their nation and their jurisdiction. Other points of contention were the ease of testing and gauging long term affects. However, these had to be accounted in the same degree of scientific inaccuracy as drugs are with the procedures nations have today.

While repeal drafting is underway, we hope to see the arguments on that front as well, and hope that the cumulative affect is for public good.

The same author, Bears Armed, also submitted a rather horrendous display of moral enforcement in the name of "furtherment of democracy" with their proposal called Pride and Prejudice. Much like the novel's main character, this proposal seemed like a hasty decision with quite a few consequences with respect to Bears Armed reputation taking a few punches. Also, much like the book, it tried to explain the morals of 19th century England to a lot of us who were bored and agitated in English class. (I'm beginning to see why the proposal was given this name).

While many, myself included, chastised the proposal line by line, it is interesting to note that the author did not have a negative intention. As a matter of fact, much of the act itself was written from a common person's perspective of the government and the way it runs. It was a display of protest against political figures not listening to the people, the citizens who voted them in. And that makes it a well intentioned, non workable piece of legislation. We at TMS dug a little deeper to find out why.

Lawmakers are generally not the common public. GA is no different. A proposal written from the common person's perspective is riddled with blind spots and unaccounted for aspects such as the costs, implementation and the effect on other parts of the government. While we sympathinzed with the cause of keeping the common person in the loop, this proposal also showed us the problems of a populist democracy. If we are to believe that a common person has a likelihood of belonging to a majority (because that's how probability works) it is seen why this proposal was given the title furtherment of democracy. And moreso why it fell through in its liberal agenda.

Security Council

May has been active with two resolutions being already, one by our very own Lenlyvit 's puppet Bovitt Cay, and the other by Cormactopia Prime.

Lenly's proposal which became a resolution, "Liberate The Monarchic Entente" was one of the shortest resolutions I have seen, which was to the point, simple and effective. The proposal explained how the raid by three founderless scum raiders had paralyzed the region to the point of certain doom, and the only way to save it yet had to be an intervention by the SC. Thankfully a majority of the voting nations agreed that this was necessary, and to protect the region, this was swiftly passed, as is the nature of liberation resolutions.

The forum thread itself, as usual, was full of R/D banter, but oddly enough this short proposal was quick to ascend the lists and quick to pass. Good work, Lenly, the beacons are lit and we have someone to thank for that now.

Cormac's proposal, Commend Gay, was a long time coming in the opinion of a lot of people, and well deserved according to many. The region is one of the oldest to support LGBTQ+ equality, being open to all, and is also one of the most tolerant, open and knowledgable regions in all of NationStates. Gay was also a member of the fabled Founderless Regions Alliance (FRA), which was a perfect cherry on top of the region's already strong stance of equality. We at TMS find these very important developments in the SC.

We did see two resolutions fall through, and one was a very peculiar case, in my opinion. The first, "Condemn Democratic Empire of Romania" was, well, stupid. It has to be a sad day when something like that reaches quorum in the Security Council. It was basically a nation condemning another for being an autocracy in disguise. Yeah, no. The verdict was a hard hitting no, and that was the end of that. I get the motivation, but I do not think that this warrants anything more than a slap on the wrist. Moving on. The main story this SC was the liberation of a password protected region captured by invaders, the Conservative Christians. There was a call for their liberation in the wake of the invaders' attempts to grief the region, or so it seemed. The well written proposal hit the WA floor, and looked like it was going to pass, when the natives, through sheer willpower (if nothing else), got a native delegate elected. The native delegate had to re-password the region, making sure it remained safe. The only thing that would stop it was this liberation.

Those aware of the situation on ground zero immediately flipped, voting against the resolution, in order to make sure the native delegate got to fo as they wanted to save and protect the region. The switch in votes was just about enough to go against and not liberate the region. So yay.


Many XKIers are curious to know what actually lies beneath the public faces that we see every day: The Mayor, The Queen, The Council of Nine. What are our Senators up to at home when their adoring throngs are not about to witness their inner workings. Fortunately, we have New Minerve to pry investigate by meddling following up clues.
Welcome to Beyond the Nation!

This segment is designed to focus on hard hitting questions about the real people we play .All questions are designed to get to the truth hidden behind the shadowy user of XKI . All Answers given are 100% true and are taken directly from the people we play with, the rest is more than likely made up. My interviewee for this week’s edition is Flemingisa . We all know him as the incorruptible senator, an outspoken and well liked citizen and an integral part to XKI’s communication with other regions, but what do we really known about Flemingisa the person? Let’s find out by jumping right into the midst of the interview.

New Minerve (NM): Flemingisa, what Country are you from?

Flemingisa (F):The USA

NM: What is the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite?

F: Honest the Nastiest Food I’ve ever eaten is fried squash chips

NM: Do you perhaps have a favorite band? And a least favorite band?

F: I’d have to say Imagine Dragons or Linkin Park. Justin Bieber is probably my least favorite singer

NM:. What were words you couldn’t pronounce as a child, so you made up your own if any? If not have you ever made up a word and what did it mean?

F: When I was younger I couldn’t say Paleontologist so I just called them Dino-Men. I never made my own words sadly.

NM: What afterschool activity did you quit as a kid, and why?

F: I quit baseball when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade sa I was always put last and didn’t feel I belonged

NM:Who is the one celebrity crush you don’t want to admit to?

F:The actress who played Rose in titanic. I always had a crush on her as a kid

NM:Who is the craziest/Most interesting person you know? No Names please.

F:I know a guy who was my teacher. The man would take us on “field trips” to visit other NJROTC students and he would have cadets do push-ups randomly in the halls if he met them.

NM:If you could turn the ocean into a liquid other than water, which one would you pick?

F:I’d love to see the ocean turned into pink minute maid lemonade. I’m addicted to it at work

NM:What is your favorite conspiracy theory? And do you believe in it?

F:My favorite conspiracy theories are alien ones. I love space and science and the thought of other life is exciting.

NM:Do you have a favorite author? If you could make them write fanfiction for any TV show which TV show would it be.

F:It’s a tie between Rick Riodan for Percy Jackson and Orson Scott Card for Ender’s game. I’d love to see them write some fanfiction for Big Bang theory

NM: Thank you for your time Senator.

As you can see based on these answers, we have much to worry about from the people we play with. Stay safe and Stay Vigilant until next time this is New Minerve reporting the underbelly of XKI.

While TMS prides itself in being a hard news publication, we understand that in the evening, sipping on a cold beverage while watching the sun dip below the horizon over the ocean, anyone is prone to a bit of gossip. However, tough as nails journalist Kozmix takes a serious approach to gossip, and provides us with this fascinating insight, to wit:
Lethoica is known for a lot in the Islands. He is a hardworking TITO Member, newly appointed Minister of Immigration, and one of the professors of the MUN programme. Now, Leth has had a new passion, reporting breaking news from the best source of breaking news, updates. Lethoica's passion and aptitude gives Taco Island a refreshing and fresh perspective to the voice of truth, and it is something that we here at the TMS enjoy very much. So, without infringing any copyright laws, and not taking the responsibility for "fake news", let us get right into some of the juicy headlines he has brought us in May.

Lenlyvit is breaking up with Kortexia
]The star hush-hush couple were more famous in the rumor mill than Brad and Angelina (the two cats that lady across the street has). The 8th of May brought a sad ending to this beautiful relationship, with rumors of comments like "He done me wrong", "He broke my heart" said by both parties, and accusations of a power struggle, among other things. Kort and Lenly are among our favorite people in the Islands, and a range of reactions to this breaking news included an annoyed and sad Aschente , a very sorrowful Sorya , and a decently neutral half population who did not know these two were a couple. Maybe they should not live under a rock. Point being, the couple whom Taco Island and XKI as a whole knew and loved split apart, and have gone separate ways. The Leth did not mention anything more, so we did not care to ask either.

Lenlyvit is breaking up with Kortexia because of Aschente!?
Talk about cooking up stories fine journalism. Only minutes after the first headline broke, this new twist to the story came flooding out of the press. Faster to fame and more baseless than a Donald Trump tweet, this was a rather shocking development. We were shook, startled, and also very apathetic to the demise of this relationship due to the presence of a love triangle. Who was to blame? Why did this happen? Was it a publicity stunt? We are not sure, and one of the reasons why was that a rumor came floating around which suggested "This was all an elaborate plot to get Lenly and Asche together." That is a heartwarming scandal, if I heard of such a thing. Leth reached out for a comment, which was "Leth i will kill you slowly and painfully". Yikes. Lots of scandalous rumors, emotions and gossip were floating around. :P

Kozmix does not believe in fun

WOLFIA isn't a good WW BOT!
This is sad. Wolfia was an amazing bot, but it was not good enough for our very high nosed and sophisticated, aristocratic crowd. Wolfia was around for a total of 2 games and a new channel. What was once called "Werewolves den" should not be called "Werewolves' graveyard", because that is where the fun of instant WW in XKI has gone to die. RIP Wolfia of 2 days. I'm not sure you will be missed, but I don't think too many care.

Shy guy is a TRR spy!
Pass. Ok no, he is not a TRR spy, he is a TSP spy. By his own procalmation. We have a fun update. :P

Starting with this headline all future updates will be written in the greatest font ever created: Comic Sans!
In my personal opinion, this is the most important update story that Leth has brought us, and is very very self-explanatory. Comic Sans is by far the best font for serious users and readers. It is called "Comic" Sans, which is without comic. It is serious. That's it.

The order Klop welcomes Satin!

After Sorya and the rest of the order renounced Satin I have happily joined the order and encourage others to do the same.

Escade is much cooler than Hakketomat
I think that is far to obvious and common. About time someone said this, that's all. (We still love you Hakke).

After this it just got boring, soooo, sorry Leth, the TMS has standards. No offence.

As usual, there was a daily flurrry of activity on the forums, with the usual stalwarts maintaining improbably high standards of spam. However, at month's end, an uncommonly focused attack on our senses was administered by this month's winner' Ayunli . Congrats to the Queen of Taco Island! Please drop by The Mad Surfer Bar and Grille for a free meal and unlimited drinks!

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The Mad Surfer
Editor in Chief: Jabberwocky
Contributing Writers: Kozmix, New Minerve, Jabberwocky
Graphics Department: Kozmix
Advertising Department: Jabberwocky