The Grand-Duchy of Joaozinho is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Dom João II with an even hand, and notable for its compulsory vegetarianism, parental licensing program, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, democratic, humorless population of 4.813 billion Joaonians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded government prioritizes Industry, although Administration, Education, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Environment is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Joãolândia. The average income tax rate is 74.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Joaozinho economy, worth a remarkable 1,516 trillion euros a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Information Technology, Retail, Uranium Mining, and Soda Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 315,185 euros, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Ice-filled coffins are ominously positioned in the corner of every hospital ward, cash-strapped junkies lick rabbits for a cheap high, schoolchildren's "what I did on my holidays" essays tend to be somewhat homogeneous, and only the brainiest citizens become academics. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Joaozinho's national animal is the cat, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Catholicism.

Joaozinho is ranked 292,143^rd in the world and 95^th in Arakeia for Lowest Crime Rates, with 7.53 law-abiding acts per hour.