The Republic of Kelsyth is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by Lena with a fair hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, smutty television, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 5.825 billion Kelsythians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, liberal government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Alnelenora. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Kelsythian economy, worth a remarkable 1,496 trillion Korunas a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 256,857 Korunas, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Eau de Trashcan has become a wildly popular perfume, raver DJ XStacy holds multiple medical degrees in chillaxing, tourists visit Kelsyth to mass-moon Kelsythian politicians, and the state considers itself the 'third parent' of every child in the nation. Crime is totally unknown. Kelsyth's national animal is the Hippogryph, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Truacism.

Kelsyth is ranked 205,413^th in the world and 8,052^nd in The East Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -814.39 on the Scary Big Number Scale.