The Galactic Empire of Kohnhead is a massive, genial nation, ruled by General Sebastian Bohnhead with an iron fist, and remarkable for its ubiquitous missile silos, parental licensing program, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, hard-working, cynical population of 3.022 billion Kohnheadians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kohnhead City. The average income tax rate is 96.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Kohnheadian economy, worth 437 trillion Kohnheadas a year, is quite specialized and dominated by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Trout Farming, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 144,644 Kohnheadas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.1 times as much as the poorest.

Under love's heavy burden General Sebastian Bohnhead sinks lower in the political right's esteem, foreign powers often deal with problems that Kohnhead can't handle, for 25 Kohnheadas tourists can gawk at the site of national tragedy, and young and brooding teens are welcomed with open arms to the Dogwarts School of Strangeness and Sorcery. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kohnhead's national animal is the panda, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Kohnheadism.

Kohnhead is ranked 3,058^th in the world and 63^rd in 10000 Islands for Longest Average Lifespans, with 93.17 Years.