The Oppressed Peoples of Kuhlfwoodlights is a colossal, efficient nation, notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, ritual sacrifices, and smutty television. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless, devout population of 6.58 billion Kuhlfwoodlightsians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Industry, and Administration. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 25.6%.

The powerhouse Kuhlfwoodlightsian economy, worth 536 trillion francs a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Uranium Mining, Arms Manufacturing, and Gambling. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is 81,565 francs, with the richest citizens earning 9.4 times as much as the poorest.

Soldiers who shoot themselves in the foot are regarded as heroes, citizens insist that there's no law against standing downwind when marijuana crops are burned off, a shipwreck is everyone's fault but the captain's, and the military is slashing spending on conventional arms and diverting it to spending on prosthetic arms. Crime is a major problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Kuhlfwoodlights's national animal is the fox, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Kuhlfwoodlights is ranked 283,786^th in the world and 1,862^nd in Jihad Army of the Emperor for Most Patriotic, with 0.42 flags saluted per person per day.