The Cyootie of La Xingan Sports Association is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by massive cheeks with an iron fist, and renowned for its anti-smoking policies, pith helmet sales, and avowedly heterosexual populace. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 4.731 billion cheeks are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Spirituality. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of the closet. The average income tax rate is 38.5%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The very strong decrepit economy, worth 371 trillion cheeks a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Automobile Manufacturing, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 78,437 cheeks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

Crossword puzzles have been co-opted as a symbol of racial discrimination, fat populations thrive as dogs are slaughtered in the millions, one does not simply walk into the tundra, and swarms of present-laden delivery drones blot out the sun before major holidays. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. La Xingan Sports Association's national animal is the fat, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is girls.

La Xingan Sports Association is ranked 57,204^th in the world and 4^th in Alesia for Lowest Crime Rates, with 72.37 law-abiding acts per hour.