The Federal Republic of Laulcirschkelse is a huge, safe nation, notable for its ban on automobiles, otherworldly petting zoo, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-working, democratic, devout population of 298 million Laulcirschkelseans are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The large, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Education, Spirituality, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Leanika. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 47.4%.

The strong Laulcirschkelsean economy, worth 19.6 trillion Kclises a year, is quite specialized and dominated by the Trout Farming industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Tourism, and Basket Weaving. Average income is 65,784 Kclises, with the richest citizens earning 8.8 times as much as the poorest.

Corporate lawyers are joyfully combing through the new tax code for any new loopholes for their clients, Mr Happy's Funland has just been named Laulcirschkelse's new capital, people typically base their votes on which party has the cutest logo, and unpopular cops are fired at a moment's notice by the citizens they police. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Laulcirschkelse's national animal is the Cobra, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Laulcirschkelse is ranked 21,462^nd in the world and 442^nd in the Rejected Realms for Most Primitive, scoring 79.14 on the Scary Big Number Scale.