by Max Barry

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The Dirts

In birblands, we use the Valley of Birbchar to create what we call, the dirts. The greatest prison ever made by birbs, one wrong step from a prisoner and they fall to their eternal death. We have only birb guards, and birb prisoners are covered in a liquid that makes their wings unable to work. All people who have committed a crime, (doggos, criminals, rebels, treasonous people, etc) are sent there. We also have a mental ward there where we keep our mental patients. In the prison we fry all the prisoners that die and feed them to everyone else, and it is the only food they recieve. Executions are widespread through us bringing the prisoner into gas chambers to be gassed (the gasses are later reused). The bodies of the executed are thrown into the valley if they are not eaten, in which we believe they are sent to the eternal Dirts where they will be treated with an Eternal Dirts that no living being can comprehend the pain and suffering they endure. We believe only those who die as a prisoner in the Dirts will be sent to the eternal Dirts to be treated with a "tea party" with the eternal being of horror which we call the Doggochar that we can only prophesize to exist.

In the dirts, birbchars (birb demons, translation is birbs of fire) sometimes try to fly out of the bottomless ends of the valley to kill the guards and wreak havoc, so we constantly have to fight them. The edges of the valley we have lined with golden birbseed ornaments as to create a barrier that is impossible to penetrate by demonic hands. The barrier is only opened once every 1000 years, in which Birbchars try their hardest to escape the valley, and it is rumored and thought that if the evil Doggochar ever escapes, the world will be doomed, unless something can destroy it or send it back into the valley. In birblandic history, it is stated that the doggochar has escaped twice, once 21000 years ago, and the other time 15000 years ago.

1st escape by doggochar, 21000 years ago:
In this time, not even Old Birblands existed. When it happened, it marked the first ever year on the birblandic calendar, as the great hero Birbin (bur-bean) the Prophet Birb fought the Doggochar face to face, and sliced his holy sword Nūrben, forged of holy bronze, into the Doggochar's head, casting him into the fires of the Valley of Birbchar. (not much more is known about this battle as recording methods were very primitive)

After this encounter, the birbs around him cheered, and he created a citystate named Birblin and created Chirpism (More about Ancient Birblin will come in future factbooks)

2nd escape by doggochar, 15000 years ago:
In this time, the Birblandic Empire was flying high, having conquered all of Dogín and Cartšva. The ruler at the time was Emperor Birbés (beer-bés), and after recieving news of the 1000 year coming of the Birbchars, he sent the Chirpist Crusaders to slay the demons and keep Birblands safe. What the emperor did not expect however, was the snarling face of the dreaded doggochar to escape from the depths of the Valley of Birbchar. The doggochar killed half the order in almost an instant, and the fire of the great foil of Chirpee roared across the land burning tree and nest, revealing birbs chirping terrified and rushing to save their children. However, what the doggochar did not expect, was the great man Birbameš (Birb-a-mesh) to be waiting, accounts say his sword was blazing with the fury of Chirpee's own blessing and might. Birbameš struck the doggochar in the head and a whimper echoed across all of Birblands, as Birbameš threw the doggochar into the valley, and the barrier returned.

As Birbameš returned home, the entirety of Birblands was cheering, and he was crowned as the new king of Birblands