The Godforsaken Republic of New Kvenland is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by People's Commissary Tova Olthuis with a fair hand, and remarkable for its daily referendums, keen interest in outer space, and digital currency. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 14.429 billion New Kvenlanders are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal, outspoken government prioritizes Education, with Environment, Healthcare, and Welfare also on the agenda, while Spirituality is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Brödstad. The average income tax rate is 98.6%.

The frighteningly efficient New Kvenlander economy, worth a remarkable 2,406 trillion labor vouchers a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing and Tourism. Average income is an impressive 166,764 labor vouchers, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Many are asking why the latest naval vessel is named after Saint Bartholomeus the Many Handed, orphans would rather live their life of luxury than be adopted by prospective parents, a primitive society is being eroded as its youth flock to the modern world, and minority children spend hours bussing to schools miles away from home. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. New Kvenland's national animal is the caribou, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Sarkicism.

New Kvenland is ranked 908^th in the world and 1^st in Arctic for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 25,012.78 on the Edu-tellignce® Test Score.