The Free Land of Northopia is a gargantuan, cultured nation, notable for its strictly enforced bedtime, restrictive gun laws, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cheerful, devout population of 13.067 billion Northopians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Improvapalooza. The average income tax rate is 98.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Northopian economy, worth a remarkable 1,712 trillion dollars a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is solely comprised of the Book Publishing industry. State-owned companies are the norm. Average income is an impressive 131,092 dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Rugby players that knock each other over always stop to make sure the other fellow is okay, a large-scale revitalization of the education system is underway, the official Northopian Phrase Book weighs as much as a small child, and the government's new 'Crime Can Fight Itself' policy appears to be backfiring rather badly. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Northopia's national animal is the squirrel, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Northopia is ranked 210,465^th in the world and 25^th in The Maritimes for Most Primitive, scoring -135.49 on the Scary Big Number Scale.