The Intelligentsia of Phallas is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by General Secretary with a fair hand, and renowned for its absence of drug laws, punitive income tax rates, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 12.489 billion Phallasians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, liberal, outspoken government prioritizes Education, although Environment, Industry, and Administration are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bönnesberg. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Phallasian economy, worth a remarkable 4,343 trillion Dracmas a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Retail. Average income is an amazing 347,794 Dracmas, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

There's nothing more gay than bleeding for your nation, prankster scientists legally change their names to silly pseudonyms before major discoveries, from the highest mountain to the deepest cave - one can always count on finding a good cell signal in Phallas, and the national guard is mobilized whenever a mother gets separated from her child at the mall. Crime is totally unknown. Phallas's national animal is the Fenix Owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Atheism.

Phallas is ranked 1,322^nd in the world and 31^st in The Communist Bloc for Lowest Crime Rates, with 160.2 law-abiding acts per hour.