The Potato-Poet of The Salaxalans is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by Svlad Cjelli with a fair hand, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, complete lack of prisons, and keen interest in outer space. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 18.053 billion Salaxians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The enormous, outspoken government prioritizes Education, although Environment, Social Policy, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Spirituality isn't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Rime. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Salaxalansian economy, worth a remarkable 4,422 trillion Dirks a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing and Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 244,979 Dirks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Selfie stick use is a required Scout badge, gardeners must genetically test weeds for unique traits before digging them up, passionate nomination battles are often as intense as general elections, and politicians tend to jump ship to whichever party is currently leading in the polls. Crime is totally unknown. The Salaxalans's national animal is the Electric Monk, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Chronology.

The Salaxalans is ranked 229,783^rd in the world and 270^th in Spiritus for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -14.53 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.