The Free Land of Tintamarre is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, remarkable for its enforced nudity, restrictive gun laws, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, humorless population of 11.505 billion Tintamarriens are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, socially-minded, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Social Policy, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Charlesville. The average income tax rate is 76.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The large but sluggish Tintamarrien economy, worth 422 trillion piastres a year, is quite specialized and mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Cheese Exports, Furniture Restoration, and Tourism. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 36,761 piastres, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Back-alley circumcision clinics are popping up all over the nation, alcoholism is the newest import from Dàguó, people who tease dwarfs are being cut down to size, and courses in how to boil water are popular for formerly microwave-reliant Tintamarriens. Crime is totally unknown. Tintamarre's national animal is the castor, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Tintamarre is ranked 189,926^th in the world and 17^th in The Maritimes for Most Primitive, scoring -95.38 on the Scary Big Number Scale.