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by The bunion. . 208 reads.

the BUNION - Issue No. 3

Christian Bale Thanks Satan For Informing Potrayal of Cormac In Award-Winning Biopic
By Ark


Pictured: Christian Bale thanking Satan for informing his portrayal of Cormactopia.

PACIFICA HARBOR - Christian Bale's dramatic transformation to play former Osiran Pharaoh Cormactopia prime
paid off during the Golden Globes ceremony earlier this year, as the accomplished actor won an impressive number of awards for his starring role in the Biopic The Wolf of WALL Street. Bale renounced and reapplied for citizenship 40 times in a number of different regions, and spent 37 consecutive hours arguing with a Europeian to prepare for the role. "Thank you Satan for giving me the inspiration how to play this role," said Bale at the awards ceremony.

For their part, the Church of Satan had this to say in reply:

To us, Cormac is a symbol of pride, liberty and individualism, and serves as an external metaphorical projection of our highest personal potential. As Mr. Bale’s own talent and skill won him the award, this is fitting. Hail Christian! Hail Cormac!

Bale also joked that from here on out, he would be "cornering the market" on playing "charisma-free players." The actor ended his speech with "what do you think, Glen-Rhodes next?"

Augustin Androids Taking Jobs, Locals Furious
By Ark


Pictured: The warm and friendly Augustin Android Version 2.0.

BUNION HQ - Riots have broken out across NationStates this month as unemployment rates have skyrocketed, due in large part to the spike in popularity of Augustin Alliance Brand "Augustin Androids." The AA has reported record-breaking profits as regions across NationStates are adopting the androids for security purposes, as well as general administrative duties. The spike in popularity, however, has also resulted in many citizens losing their jobs to automation. One such citizen, Overthinkers, had this to say:

These bots are the worst thing to ever happen to me! They're coming into our region, replacing us, making everything more efficient. How dare they! I'll have you know I once spent an entire two hours in a voice chat with Thomas Insaniac, and even that wasn't this bad! In 2008, all bots did was occasionally make funny remarks and play music. I had an android tell me to delete myself this morning! Can you imagine how that feels? CAN YOU?

August, inventor of the Augustin Android, has declined to comment at this time. It is worth noting, however, that there is a large assembly of the androids heading toward the Bunion Headquarters as of this morning.

Many Seeking Remaining Signs Of Apocalypse After Civil Debate In NSGP Discord
By Ark


Pictured: A strange weather phenomenon which took place soon after the event.

NEUTRAL GROUND, NSGP - Doomsday bunker sales spiked Monday morning as mass hysteria gripped the world NationStates. This hysteria came on the heels of a lengthy conversation which occured in the NationStates GamePlay discord server. The conversation in question lasted roughly 3 hours, wherein players with opposing viewpoints on a topic debated said topic without once warranting intervention from moderation. This unprecedented lack of aggression evoked shock and dismay from onlookers, who immediately took it as a clear sign of impending doom. Several regions have begun moving their leadership into bunkers in the case of a doomsday scenario.

NSGP Server Owner Reventus Koth had this to say on the event:

Holy crap, I've never seen anything like it. I'm shaking right now. An ENTIRE conversation in #neutral_ground, with not ONE borderline flame or ad hominem attack? This is unheard of. I was able to look away from the channel for more than a few minutes, and nothing needed moderating. You don't understand. Some things just aren't supposed to happen, and that's one of them. I swear, we're gonna see pigs flying soon enough. Gather your loved ones, your pets, and whatever food and water you can, and get underground. This is clearly an omen for the apocalypse.

The bunion

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