by Max Barry

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DispatchFactbookLegislation

by Podmannistan. . 3 reads.

The Laws

Sadly, we have more laws than T̼͇̉̑he̸̞͑ G͈̰r̝͐e̬͋a̩̓t ̨̤̬͍ͮ̀͊On͎̙e̮̝̓͒ͮ͟ͅ allows in a single "Factbook" entry. The ten most important ones are summarized here.

LAW THE FIRST: All people, within the nation's borders and without, are born with certain human dignities and rights that must be respected at all times. This Law also requires the following of any philosophical conclusions drawn from the premise of said inherent human dignity.

LAW THE SECOND: Wow we really got some mileage out of that first Law, didn't we? Well, since we're doing so well, why don't we take a Law to stop and admire how awesome that first one was.

LAW THE THIRD: In the interest of respecting Law the First, we are a capitalist country, as Chief PodMann believes that humans have the right to dictate their own lives, futures, and to an extent, economies.

LAW THE FOURTH: While private industry is allowed, and in some cases encouraged, no private entity is in any way allowed to break the rules laid out in Law the First any more than the government is. If any private entity is caught doing so, Chief PodMann reserves the right to personally give every fat-cat executive a sloppy wet willy, followed by prison time.

LAW THE FIFTH: Should we make weed legal? Let's make weed legal. Weed is legal.

LAW THE SIXTH: Six... is a serious number. Too serious to actually put a Law down for. As such, Law the Sixth dictates that there shall be no Law The Sixth. Wait a second, isn't that in itself technically a-

LAW THE SEVENTH: The ATTENTION Department is hereby founded to keep all PodMannis up to speed on what is happening within their national government. The ATTENTION Department is also enshrined to be the loudest and most insufferable pricks around.

LAW THE EIGHTH: The ATTENTION Department would like to use its newly established lawmaking powers to declare its hurt feelings over the rude language used in Law the Seventh. Thank You.

LAW THE NINTH: The ATTENTION Department no longer has lawmaking powers.

LAW THE TENTH: PodMannistan's world-renowned environment must be maintained at all costs (except the cost of breaking Law the First) lest the Nomadic Peoples slip back into the old days of an Overview that shamefully read "barren, inhospitable landscape." As such, anyone caught harming the environment will be strapped to a tree for five days so that the environment might harm them back. Come on now guys, fair is fair, and Mother Nature might not even decide to punish you at all. Y'know what Jerry, you want to do this here? Yes this law is directed at you. I saw you throw that McDonald's cup out your window yesterday. You disgust me and I hope you're the first one an Ethan Hunkins mauls to death while you're strapped to a tree.

Podmannistan

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