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DispatchBulletinNews

by The Battle-Hardened Warriors of Kathol Rift. . 100 reads.

The RMB is Dead

RMB walks out, humming

RMB: “It is good day to be not dead!”

Gunshot

Life: “Pow! You are dead!”

RMB: “I am dead!”

Life: “Heeheeheehee.”

Small nations walk up.

Small Nations: “The RMB is dead?”

RMB: “Yis.”

Subtitles read “sandwich.”

Small Nations: “Why is the RMB dead?”

Life: “I dunno.”

RMB: “I think it was-”

Life and Small Nations: “Shh! You are dead!”

RMB: “Ok.” Starts clipping through the ground

Van drives up, hits wall. RP nations jump out.

RP Nations: “What’s up ya wankers? Who’s up for it?”

Sees Life and Small Nations looking at body of RMB

RP Nations: “Hey, what the bloody hell just happened?”

Small Nations: “The RMB is dead.”

RP Nations: “The RMB is dead?” Subtitles show a game show question

Small Nations: “Correct!”

RP nations smile as they got correct answer. Cheering noises.

Small Nations: “So, did either of you see the murder?”

Life and RP Nations: “No, sorry.”

Small nations slap hand on desk

Small Nations: “I will find him. I will capture him! And no one will ever die again!”

Life and RP nations clap and compliment. Other nations appear.

Other Nations: “Atten-HUT! The RMB is dead!”

Small Nations: “We know.”

Other Nations: “Who killed him?”

Small Nations: “We don’t know.”

Other Nations: “I will find clues!”

Other nations start sniffing ground. Finds sleep attached to time zones.

Other Nations: “What’s this? A weapon? That is why the RMB is dead!”

Life, Small Nations, and RP nations: “The RMB is dead?”

Other Nations: “Yes! He died!”

Life, Small Nations, and RP nations: shocked faces in front of a green screen effect

Siren noises. An ambulance comes and hits Other Nations. Nations that Try To Cause Activity jump out the back.

Nations That Try to Cause Activity: “Get out of ze way!”

Kisses RMB on cheek. RMB starts to rise, then dies again.

Nations That Try to Cause Activity: “In my medical opinion zat RMB IS DEAD!”

RP Nations: “Doc, what happened?”

Nations That Try to Cause Activity: “My opinion? ZE RMB WAS KILLED!”

Everyone else turns around and starts muttering nervously.

Nations That Try to Cause Activity: “I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.”

RP Nations: “Well, now what?”

The Nation that just realized the RMB died ten minutes ago starts skipping out

The Nation that just realized the RMB died ten minutes ago: “Look at this! The fricking RMB is dead!”

Silence

The Nation that just realized the RMB died ten minutes ago: “Whaddya think of that?”

More silence

The Nation that just realized the RMB died ten minutes ago: “Uh-”

Small Nations: “Yes, The Nation that just realized the RMB died ten minutes ago-”

The Nation that just realized the RMB died ten minutes ago: “What?”

Small Nations: “Go home!”

The Nation that just realized the RMB died ten minutes ago looks over, sees a car with spammers in it, waddles over while muttering obscenities, crashes car into the rejected realms

Small Nations: “Alright, let’s get back to the point!” Holds up a sign that has an arrow pointing to the point

RMB: “I think RMB is dead.” Pokes body of RMB

Life, RP Nations, Small Nations, and Nations That Try to Cause Activity: “The RMB is dead?!”

Nations That Try to Cause Activity runs to Rejected Realms where the other nation crashed.

RMB: “Okay! Seriously! Who killed RMB?”

Loud drinking sounds while zoomed up on a mouth drinking

That One Nation who Jokes about it being their fault: “It was me!”

All the other nations gasp

That One Nation who Jokes about it being their fault: “Yep! I did it like this!”

He shoots the RP nations who just wanted to start an RP

That One Nation who Jokes about it being their fault: “Whoopdeedoo!”

Small Nations, Life, and RMB cradle RP Nations’ body. More loud drinking close-ups.

That One Nation who Jokes about it being their fault: “That’s a joke lads.”

Small Nations, Life, and RMB abandon RP Nations’ body and do a laugh track. More loud drinking, followed by a belch.

That One Nation who Jokes about it being their fault: “It was y- him!” Points at life after starting to point at Small Nations

Life: “How did you know?”

That One Nation who Jokes about it being their fault: “I didn’t!” Swallows the bottle “That was a joke too!”

Life starts laughing maniacally as That One Nation who Jokes about it being their fault disappears

Life: “That’s right, it was me!”

Small Nations: “You monster!”

RMB: “Life, why?!”

Life: “Because you’re fat, boy! And another thing, you’re ugly.”

Small Nations look back and forth as Life and RMB see who can shout louder, before shrugging. Subtitles read “It’s tradition.”

RMB: “STUPID LIFE-”

Life: “Goddamnit RMB FRICK OFF! You are dead!”

RMB points a finger gun at Life (hey, we all killed our life in favor of RMB at some point)

RMB: “No u! Pow!”

Life falls apart

RMB: “You are dead! No big surprise.”

Small Nations: “Well, that was idiotic. Off to hang myself! Watch and learn-” Backflips off a stool into noose, dying and vanishing from interactions

RMB: “I am alive! Is nice.”

Camera pans out to show all the other things dead, gone, or fallen apart

RMB: “Yis. This is stupid!”

RawReport