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DispatchFactbookMiscellaneous

by The Isolationist Republic of Socialist Macronesia. . 181 reads.

F7 2: Electric Boogaloo

CRITICS LOVE F7 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO!


I can't express how much I love it.

The pathos! The twists! The absolute Machiavellianism!

(Socialist Macronesia) is an artist, and this is (his) magnum opus.

-Wuchu


Because this movie is beautiful:
Here are my favorite parts from Socialist Macronesia's latest masterpiece, F7 2: Electric Boogaloo!

Alastair's wife, Marie walks in.

MARIE
Alastair, how the hell did you get out of the ICU?

She runs to him.

ALASTAIR
...partyyyyy...

MARIE
If you gave him alcohol, Ross, I will beat the s--

ROSS
I did not.

Marie lowers her fist.

Marie be spicy this evening. And Alastair is just...motivated by the party, it seems.

ROSS
Drinks on me tonight.

ALL
(cheering)

Alastair immediately looks up.

This segment speaks for itself.

MARIE
Don't even think about it.

ALASTAIR
Got any whiskey?

MARIE
DO NOT GIVE HIM--

Ross fills a lowball glass with Jack Daniels.

ROSS
Cheers.

Marie attempts to lunge at Ross. Ross blocks her.

ROSS
Is that really necessary?

MARIE
You bas--

Ross looks her in the eye.

MARIE
You'll see.

Marie walks away.

She edgy.

The eleven partygoers walk into the dining room. Alastair is mildly intoxicated.

Excellent update.

I was diagnosed with second degree death afterwards, but the doctors were able to cure me. So, I want to give thanks to every one of you.

This is perhaps the biggest understatement on NationStates. Legendary.

Kotera, go first, then go around the room clockwise.

Kotera opens his. A psychology textbook.

Sarathress opens hers. A silver globe of Earth.

Chris opens his. A loaded gold-plated revolver.

Ari opens hers. A golden knife.

Randorn opens his. A large bag of carrots.

Montse opens hers. An expandable baton.

Feodora opens hers. A container of high-quality cigarettes.

Marie opens hers. A book titled "How to Reduce Alcohol Consumption/Addiction".

Sylvia and Julienne open theirs at the same time. Two boxes of chocolate truffles.

Alastair falls out of his chair.

Perfection.

Alastair eventually opens his present. A bottle of alcohol. Without hesitation, he opens the bottle and takes a sip.

ALASTAIR
This tastes like cat piss.

ROSS
That is a thirty-thousand dollar bottle of sherry.

ALASTAIR (uncomfortable)
Uh...
It's getting better. Might just be an acquired taste...

He then proceeds to drink the whole thing.

MONTSE
Your baton is terrible.

ROSS
It works better against people's spines, not glass.

ALEXANDER
Greetings from--

ALASTAIR (intoxicated)
SHUT THE HELL UP!

ALEXANDER
I thought you would all be more polite...

ARI (also now intoxicated)
YOU TELL EM ALASTAIR!

They really are becoming drinking buddies.

The group turns to stare at the body of Ivan on the floor.

ROSS
Oh right. Almost forgot.

Good job, Ross.

I am perfectly sober. Anyway, you murdered Ivan because of something you wanted to keep behind closed doors. HIS AFFAIR WITH ALASTAIR! And you killed Kotera, because he was in on the affair as well! You stabbed Montse because she was one of the only ones who had military combat training, thereby reducing the number of people that could potentially reveal you! Of course, that was after killing Ari by replacing the vodka in the bar with the top secret 101% pure ethanol. You leaned over the bar trying to attack me, when you were actually making the switch. From there you were able to get her knife, and stab Montse. It's true! And you gave Sylvia and Julienne bits of asbestos insulation coated in powdered sugar and told them it was "candy"!"

Let us hope that Sherlock Holmes did not quit his day job.

ROSS
How do you explain these photographs then?

He holds up several "revealing" pictures.

ALEXANDER
What photographs-- OH MY GOD MY EYES!

Alastair did what--

FEODORA
So where is Alastair now?

Alastair falls from the skylight, after breaking the glass.

Marie dives toward Alastair, and puts the suppressed pistol to his head.

ALASTAIR
Wha...

He falls asleep.

MARIE
I won't let you take me alive!

Ross holds out the revolver.

ROSS
Nobody wants to hurt you. All we have to do is dump the bodies into the valley, leave quietly and pretend this never happened. We can leave here today with no more dead bodies.

Ross drops the revolver.

Bailey draws and drops her pistol.

MARIE
I suppose we can do that.

Uplifting music begins to play.

She lets Alastair go.

He falls face first onto the floor.

The music suddenly stops.

Alastair is golden right here. And the uplifting music...yes. Just yes.

MOD 2
Good work, ladies and gentlemen. We can finally put these two away off the forums for at least a couple hours.

NOBODY EXPECTS THE MODERATOR INQUISITION! (Which is meant as a humorous reference. Not a political statement.)

Kotera stands upright.

ROSS
I thought you were dead!

KOTERA
No, just sleeping.

SERENA
YOU GOT SHOT!

KOTERA
No, I just spilled my strawberry jam on my shirt.

ROSS
Oh, for FU--

The credits roll.

Read dispatch


-Western Fardelshufflestein


When I started reading F7 Movie 2, it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize it's a parody of that Agatha Christie book I'm not at liberty to reveal the name of because the jannies are watching telegrams. Also it's the worst thing I've ever read and I've read Its My Life!, so that's an... I don't know if I'd call it an accomplishment but it's a feat nonetheless. Be... proud? I guess?

I LOVED IT. IT WAS COOLER THAN CATS. I'M GOING TO SEE IT AGAIN, AGAIN, AND AGAIN.
-Broader Confederate States

Somehow F7 the movie managed the MOST UPVOTES OF ANYTHING I'VE DONE. Even my 25k words of lore are beat. So, I decided to make a longer, and larger, sequel. I present to you

F7 2: Electric Boogaloo

Disclaimer: This is satire. Do not take this seriously in any way. TG me if you have anything you'd like to

A. complain about
B. add
C. remove
D. otherwise talk about

and I might do it.

Staring (oh boy):
Socialist Macronesia (John Adam Ross)
Western Fardelshufflestein (Alastair/Marie)
Godular (Sarathress)
Wuchu (Kotera)
Las Palmeras (Montse)
Zitravgrad (Feodora)
New Carthagea (Christophe II)
East Wolven (Randorn)
Kiu Ghesik (Ari)
Cybus1 (Alexander)
Broader Confederate States (Bailey)
Minskiev (Ivan)
Azur Deutschland (Sylvia/Julienne)
SatoSere (Artur/Serena)

As I said in the last one, please go view their stuff. I picked people here for their quality of posts, quality of factbooks, and otherwise prominence in F7.

I also haven't made a poster for this one. If you feel like for some reason you want to make one, go ahead, send me the link.

And finally: I did not copy ANYTHING for this movie, unlike the last one.

EVERYTHING HERE IS BRAND NEW CONTENT AND CREATED BY ME.

Enjoy.

The movie opens on a shot of Ross's personal mansion. It appears to be built into the side of a huge scenic valley, with a small lift going down to the lower area.

The scene shifts to Ross, in his bedroom, putting on a suit, and putting his pistol into its concealed holster.

Ross walks into the ballroom.

Sarathress, Kotera, Montse, Feodora, and Chris are chatting in a group. Alastair is hunched over the bar. Ivan looks anxious in the corner. Ari looks very uncomfortable in a formal dress.

ARI
Do people actually wear these on a regular basis? I can't reach my knives well...

ROSS
Please do not tell me you brought your knife collection, Ari.

ARI
Damn right I did.

ROSS
Please refrain from stabbing anyone tonight.

KOTERA
Hey Ross, nice to see you again. How are things going?

ROSS
Quite good. Would you all be so pleased to wait here? I'm expecting some more guests in a minute.

KOTERA
Alright, take care.

ROSS
You too.

Ross heads to the main door, unlocking it.

???
Am I expected?

ROSS
You are indeed, please come in.

Randorn walks in, takes a glance at the room, and whistles.

RANDORN
Nice to meet you all, I am King Randorn of East Wolven.

CHRIS
Nice to meet you.

MONTSE
Nice to see I'm not the only part-animal here.

ALASTAIR (noticeably uncomfortable)
...buncha furries.

The doorbell rings.

ROSS
Excuse me.

Ross walks to the door once again, and opens it.

Alastair's wife, Marie walks in.

MARIE
Alastair, how the hell did you get out of the ICU?

She runs to him.

ALASTAIR
...partyyyyy...

MARIE
If you gave him alcohol, Ross, I will beat the s--

ROSS
I did not.

Marie lowers her fist.

IVAN
Why am I even here?

Ross ignores the question, as the doorbell rings again.

ROSS
(sighs) Excuse me.

Ross opens the door.

???
Greetings from Azur Deutschland!

ROSS
Sylvia and Julienne, I presume?

SYLVIA
You bet!

ROSS
Come in, come in.

Sylvia walks in, holding Julienne's hand.

SYLVIA
Nice place.

ROSS
Thank you.

The partygoers begin to converse.

ROSS
Alright, let's party!

"Shake, Rattle and Roll" begins to play. The leaders begin to dance.

IVAN
I can't take this, I have to get some fresh air.

Ross slides behind the bar.

ROSS
Drinks on me tonight.

ALL
(cheering)

Alastair immediately looks up.

MARIE
Don't even think about it.

ALASTAIR
Got any whiskey?

MARIE
DO NOT GIVE HIM--

Ross fills a lowball glass with Jack Daniels.

ROSS
Cheers.

Marie attempts to lunge at Ross. Ross blocks her.

ROSS
Is that really necessary?

MARIE
You bas--

Ross looks her in the eye.

MARIE
You'll see.

Marie walks away.

CHRIS
Beer me.

Ross slides a glass to him.

ARI
Surprise me.

Ross slides her a glass of bourbon.

ARI (confused)
Why is this alcohol so strong?

ROSS
Probably because yours isn't distilled.

ARI
What's a distilled?

ROSS
You'll find out in a few hundred years.

The scene shifts to Ivan, standing outside on the balcony, overlooking the valley.

An unseen partygoer speaks from off screen.

???
Nice view, isn't it?

IVAN
I suppose so.

???
You smoke?

IVAN
No... ehh, why not?

A gloved hand outstretches a cigarette.

Ivan lights the cigarette, and coughs.

IVAN
How did you even start this habit?

The partygoer pulls a silenced handgun, and fires once. Quickly, they lift Ivan up and over the railing. He falls down the valley.

The partygoer leaves.

The scene cuts to Ross in the bar.

ROSS
Alright, now that everyone has been properly introduced, how's dinner sound.

The eleven partygoers walk into the dining room. Alastair is mildly intoxicated.

ROSS
Ah, here they come.

Several waiters enter the room with bowls of soup.

ROSS
Where's Ivan?

MARIE
Is he missing?

ROSS
I don't know!

KOTERA
Well, we should probably look for him...

ARI
He's probably in the bathroom.

The movie cuts forward to the end of supper.

SARATHRESS
He's been gone an awfully long time...

ROSS
Maybe he left. In any case, I have several gifts to hand out. As you all know, our last party went... not so well. I was diagnosed with second degree death afterwards, but the doctors were able to cure me. So, I want to give thanks to every one of you.

Ross brings a large bag full of presents, which are wrapped in a white ribbon with black paper.

He passes them out to the partygoers.

ROSS
Kotera, go first, then go around the room clockwise.

Kotera opens his. A psychology textbook.

Sarathress opens hers. A silver globe of Earth.

Chris opens his. A loaded gold-plated revolver.

Ari opens hers. A golden knife.

Randorn opens his. A large bag of carrots.

Montse opens hers. An expandable baton.

Feodora opens hers. A container of high-quality cigarettes.

Marie opens hers. A book titled "How to Reduce Alcohol Consumption/Addiction".

Sylvia and Julienne open theirs at the same time. Two boxes of chocolate truffles.

Alastair falls out of his chair.

ROSS
Was that really necessary, sir?

Alastair eventually opens his present. A bottle of alcohol. Without hesitation, he opens the bottle and takes a sip.

ALASTAIR
This tastes like cat piss.

ROSS
That is a thirty-thousand dollar bottle of sherry.

ALASTAIR (uncomfortable)
Uh...
It's getting better. Might just be an acquired taste...

Ari twirls her knife, nearly stabbing Chris next to her.

ARI
This is pretty nice.

CHRIS
Please stop.

Sylvia and Julienne have already finished the boxes of truffles.

MARIE
How did you even eat those that fast?

They both shrug.

ROSS
Now, what about a tour?

FEODORA
That sounds lovely.

MONTSE
I... don't really want to be here.

ROSS
Oh come on, it'll be fun! Now follow me, let's go to the lower level.

The doorbell rings.

ROSS
Looks like someone's late.

He opens the door.

ROSS
I present to you, Artur and Serena.

ARTUR
Thanks for inviting us.

ROSS
I have a gift for you two!

They open their present. A scale model of the Chernobyl plant and Pripyat area.

SERENA
How lovely.

ROSS
Anyway, let's start the tour!

The partygoers get into the lift, and begin to descend.

SARATHRESS
The view is spectacular!
(shocked)
Is that a body?

ROSS
That's... Ivan.

Ross stops the lift.

MARIE
Do something!

ROSS
What are we supposed to do?

RANDORN
We can't just leave him, he might still be alive!

CHRIS
Death is a preferable alternative to communism.

Montse opens the baton.

MONTSE
We'll have to break the glass to get to him.

She strikes the glass with the baton. It merely cracks.

MONTSE
Your baton is terrible.

ROSS
It works better against people's spines, not glass.

CHRIS
I got it!

He fires his revolver into the window.

The glass shatters.

ROSS
My ears...

ARTUR
So loud...

Montse leaps out. With the help of the other partygoers, they lift Ivan into the cabin.

ROSS
That's... not good.

MONTSE
Bullet hole, point blank. Probably shot by a small-caliber handgun, once in the head, nothing more. Looks like a few broken bones, the killer probably threw him over the railing.

RANDORN
I need a drink.

ARI
So do I.

KOTERA
Are you kidding me? Someone got shot! We have to find out who did it!

ROSS
Let's go back upstairs...

The lift begins to ascend.

Back upstairs, Ross slides back into the bar.

ROSS
Who wants what?

RANDORN
Whiskey.

ARI
Something strong.

Ross pours the whiskey for Randorn and some vodka for Ari. Randorn takes a sip. Ari downs the whole thing.

ARI
What is this, tap water?

Ross pours three more drinks worth of vodka. Ari smacks then all back with no problem.

ROSS
Okay, just take the whole bottle. Try not to kill yourself.

The doorbell rings.

ROSS
I thought we were all-- oh, I know who this is!

Alexander Mercer walks in.

ALEXANDER
Greetings from--

ALASTAIR (intoxicated)
SHUT THE HELL UP!

ALEXANDER
I thought you would all be more polite...

ARI (also now intoxicated)
YOU TELL EM ALASTAIR!

ROSS
I am truly sorry for them. Here's your gift.

Alexander opens the box. It's a tie.

ALEXANDER
Why would I need a tie when I can change my form at will?

ROSS
I don't know.

The doorbell rings again.

ROSS
Did I mark the time wrong or something?

He opens the door.

BAILEY
Am I at the right house?

ROSS
I think so. Bailey Washington, that is correct?

BAILEY
Yes.

ROSS
Want something to drink?

BAILEY
You have tea?

ROSS
Black tea with a pinch of lemon, coming right up.

ARTUR
I'll take some.

RANDORN
Me too.

SERENA
Why not?

Ross slides the cups across the counter.

ROSS
I have something for you.

He returns with a present.

Bailey opens it. It's a SM-9A handgun.

BAILEY
A gun. I've never seen one before.

ROSS
This was the first ever production SM-9A. It's a piece of our history.

BAILEY
Well, that's neat!

KOTERA
SOMEONE GOT MURDERED, ARE WE ALL FORGETTING THAT?

The group turns to stare at the body of Ivan on the floor.

ROSS
Oh right. Almost forgot.

The scene cuts to the roof. A gloved hand works the bolt on a rifle.

The scene cuts back to inside.

The power goes out.

Glass shatters as a gunshot is heard.

ROSS
Oh my GOD SOMEONE'S SHOOTING AT US!

Ross dives behind the bar once more.

A suppressed gunshot is heard.

The lights flicker on.

Randorn and Kotera lie dead on the floor.

ROSS
Oh...

Bailey draws the pistol.

BAILEY
Whoever has weapons, show them!

Chris takes out his revolver.

BAILEY
Your gun was fired recently!

CHRIS
I fired it earlier! In the lift!

ROSS
He's right.

BAILEY
Then who's shooting all of us?

ROSS
They must be in the house somewhere!

MONTSE
Wait, it's--

The lights flicker, then shut off.

MONTSE
Ah! Stay back!

Montse swings the baton. A golden knife appears.

FEODORA
What is going on!

A suppressed gunshot is heard.

The lights turn on.

The remaining partygoers examine the rooms.

Sylvia and Julienne are lying on the floor.

Montse lies on the ground, having been stabbed in the back with a knife.

Chris lies dead on the floor from a suppressed pistol shot.

ALEXANDER
Ooh, this is getting INTENSE!

Ross picks up Chris's gun.

ROSS
It's a shame.

SERENA
Real shame.

ARTUR
Almost too real.

BAILEY
So Ari stabbed Montse!

ROSS (looking in the dining room)
Except Ari is dead too.

Alexander examines Ari's body.

FEODORA
Can you tell us how she died? Was she shot?

ALEXANDER
No. Alcohol poisoning.

ROSS
But how did the twins die? Were they shot?

FEODORA
No. Lung cancer.

ROSS
I know who did it.

MARIE
You do?

ROSS
Yes. I do. Let me explain.

He pauses.

ROSS
And it was YOU!

He points to Marie.

MARIE
Ross, are you drunk?

ROSS
I am perfectly sober. Anyway, you murdered Ivan because of something you wanted to keep behind closed doors. HIS AFFAIR WITH ALASTAIR! And you killed Kotera, because he was in on the affair as well! You stabbed Montse because she was one of the only ones who had military combat training, thereby reducing the number of people that could potentially reveal you! Of course, that was after killing Ari by replacing the vodka in the bar with the top secret 101% pure ethanol. You leaned over the bar trying to attack me, when you were actually making the switch. From there you were able to get her knife, and stab Montse. It's true! And you gave Sylvia and Julienne bits of asbestos insulation coated in powdered sugar and told them it was "candy"!

MARIE
That's a lie!

SERENA
Wait, then who killed Randorn? It couldn't have been her!

ROSS
The only person who hasn't been here this whole time. Alastair.

BAILEY
Why would Alastair want to kill Randorn? I mean, he didn't exactly like furries, Alastair. But murder?

ROSS
Who said he didn't like furries? The truth is, he had an affair with Randorn BEFORE having one with Kotera and Ivan! But Randorn cheated on him with Montse!

FEODORA
That makes no sense.

ROSS
How do you explain these photographs then?

He holds up several "revealing" pictures.

ALEXANDER
What photographs-- OH MY GOD MY EYES!

BAILEY
I cannot unsee what I just saw.

SARATHRESS
That is disturbing.

FEODORA
Their family tree must be messed UP.

ROSS
And he tried to cover it all up by killing the only man who would know. He knew that Montse, being an ex-spy, wouldn't snitch on him.

FEODORA
So where is Alastair now?

Alastair falls from the skylight, after breaking the glass.

ROSS
Aww gee, I wonder where he is...

BAILEY
Alright. You two, against the wall.

Marie dives toward Alastair, and puts the suppressed pistol to his head.

ALASTAIR
Wha...

He falls asleep.

MARIE
I won't let you take me alive!

Ross holds out the revolver.

ROSS
Nobody wants to hurt you. All we have to do is dump the bodies into the valley, leave quietly and pretend this never happened. We can leave here today with no more dead bodies.

Ross drops the revolver.

Bailey draws and drops her pistol.

MARIE
I suppose we can do that.

Uplifting music begins to play.

She lets Alastair go.

He falls face first onto the floor.

The music suddenly stops.

Serena, Artur, Ross, and Bailey all draw hidden guns at the same time.

The mods rush in, pointing their guns at the two.

MOD 1
Nobody move or you're getting DOS'd!

MOD 2
Good work, ladies and gentlemen. We can finally put these two away off the forums for at least a couple hours.

SERENA
That was awesome!

The remaining leaders share high fives.

ROSS
I really need to beef up security around here.

BAILEY
YOU THINK?

Kotera stands upright.

ROSS
I thought you were dead!

KOTERA
No, just sleeping.

SERENA
YOU GOT SHOT!

KOTERA
No, I just spilled my strawberry jam on my shirt.

ROSS
Oh, for FU--

The credits roll.

THE END

This took me several hours to do. Plz upvote thx

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