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by The Not Kenneth Branagh of Western Fardelshufflestein. . 50 reads.

The Most Hilarious Parts of the Masterpiece Known as F7 2: Electric Boogaloo by Socialist Macronesia

Here are my favorite parts from Socialist Macronesia's latest masterpiece, F7 2: Electric Boogaloo!

Alastair's wife, Marie walks in.

MARIE
Alastair, how the hell did you get out of the ICU?

She runs to him.

ALASTAIR
...partyyyyy...

MARIE
If you gave him alcohol, Ross, I will beat the s--

ROSS
I did not.

Marie lowers her fist.

Marie be spicy this evening. And Alastair is just...motivated by the party, it seems.

ROSS
Drinks on me tonight.

ALL
(cheering)

Alastair immediately looks up.

This segment speaks for itself.

MARIE
Don't even think about it.

ALASTAIR
Got any whiskey?

MARIE
DO NOT GIVE HIM--

Ross fills a lowball glass with Jack Daniels.

ROSS
Cheers.

Marie attempts to lunge at Ross. Ross blocks her.

ROSS
Is that really necessary?

MARIE
You bas--

Ross looks her in the eye.

MARIE
You'll see.

Marie walks away.

She edgy.

The eleven partygoers walk into the dining room. Alastair is mildly intoxicated.

Excellent update.

I was diagnosed with second degree death afterwards, but the doctors were able to cure me. So, I want to give thanks to every one of you.

This is perhaps the biggest understatement on NationStates. Legendary.

Kotera, go first, then go around the room clockwise.

Kotera opens his. A psychology textbook.

Sarathress opens hers. A silver globe of Earth.

Chris opens his. A loaded gold-plated revolver.

Ari opens hers. A golden knife.

Randorn opens his. A large bag of carrots.

Montse opens hers. An expandable baton.

Feodora opens hers. A container of high-quality cigarettes.

Marie opens hers. A book titled "How to Reduce Alcohol Consumption/Addiction".

Sylvia and Julienne open theirs at the same time. Two boxes of chocolate truffles.

Alastair falls out of his chair.

Perfection.

Alastair eventually opens his present. A bottle of alcohol. Without hesitation, he opens the bottle and takes a sip.

ALASTAIR
This tastes like cat piss.

ROSS
That is a thirty-thousand dollar bottle of sherry.

ALASTAIR (uncomfortable)
Uh...
It's getting better. Might just be an acquired taste...

He then proceeds to drink the whole thing.

MONTSE
Your baton is terrible.

ROSS
It works better against people's spines, not glass.

ALEXANDER
Greetings from--

ALASTAIR (intoxicated)
SHUT THE HELL UP!

ALEXANDER
I thought you would all be more polite...

ARI (also now intoxicated)
YOU TELL EM ALASTAIR!

They really are becoming drinking buddies.

The group turns to stare at the body of Ivan on the floor.

ROSS
Oh right. Almost forgot.

Good job, Ross.

I am perfectly sober. Anyway, you murdered Ivan because of something you wanted to keep behind closed doors. HIS AFFAIR WITH ALASTAIR! And you killed Kotera, because he was in on the affair as well! You stabbed Montse because she was one of the only ones who had military combat training, thereby reducing the number of people that could potentially reveal you! Of course, that was after killing Ari by replacing the vodka in the bar with the top secret 101% pure ethanol. You leaned over the bar trying to attack me, when you were actually making the switch. From there you were able to get her knife, and stab Montse. It's true! And you gave Sylvia and Julienne bits of asbestos insulation coated in powdered sugar and told them it was "candy"!"

Let us hope that Sherlock Holmes did not quit his day job.

ROSS
How do you explain these photographs then?

He holds up several "revealing" pictures.

ALEXANDER
What photographs-- OH MY GOD MY EYES!

Alastair did what--

FEODORA
So where is Alastair now?

Alastair falls from the skylight, after breaking the glass.

Marie dives toward Alastair, and puts the suppressed pistol to his head.

ALASTAIR
Wha...

He falls asleep.

MARIE
I won't let you take me alive!

Ross holds out the revolver.

ROSS
Nobody wants to hurt you. All we have to do is dump the bodies into the valley, leave quietly and pretend this never happened. We can leave here today with no more dead bodies.

Ross drops the revolver.

Bailey draws and drops her pistol.

MARIE
I suppose we can do that.

Uplifting music begins to play.

She lets Alastair go.

He falls face first onto the floor.

The music suddenly stops.

Alastair is golden right here. And the uplifting music...yes. Just yes.

MOD 2
Good work, ladies and gentlemen. We can finally put these two away off the forums for at least a couple hours.

NOBODY EXPECTS THE MODERATOR INQUISITION! (Which is meant as a humorous reference. Not a political statement.)

Kotera stands upright.

ROSS
I thought you were dead!

KOTERA
No, just sleeping.

SERENA
YOU GOT SHOT!

KOTERA
No, I just spilled my strawberry jam on my shirt.

ROSS
Oh, for FU--

The credits roll.

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