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Dispatch → Factbook → Politics
Dr. Shnugglewuggles Barrington IV (DSWB4)
DSWB4 seen in stern contemplation (left), plotting his next move on the international stage.
DSWB4 seen posing for a photo and being interviewed for an article in the Encyclopedia Suceavica (center).
DSWB4 seen posing for a Suceavijan fair-trade-agreement propaganda poster (right) that is distributed to all nations in the Democratic Socialist Assembly whenever the SCSN is trying to drum up a little extra cash.
It is rumored that the prestigious promotion was reluctantly granted after a night of drunken revelry wherein the two got into a brawl over something that neither quite remembers, precisely, but which each insists was the other's fault. DSWB4 may or may not have verbally and physically expressed genuine disdain with merely being the pretty face of the nation at all the ribbon cutting ceremonies, given his "unmatched, god-like plethora of unique talents."
To demonstrate his worth to the SCSN and capabilities in international espionage and intrigue to justify his request, DSWB4 infiltrated the DSA Daily Digest (DDD)'s corporate headquarters. He sabotaged the original debut publication of the DDD by sneaking his own picture in the 'Pic of the Day' section. "His ego knows no bounds, not that his self-professed magnificence is entirely unsubstantiated," said the DDD's chief editor the day after the incident, who may or may not have also been the BDL.
DSWB4 prefers to offer tree saplings from his personal collection as tokens of peace and good will when he conducts his diplomatic missions abroad. He believes that since he prefers his forested surroundings that obviously these shall be regarded as the pinnacle of aesthetic euphoria for his colleagues abroad, as well.
The reclusive, narcissistic minister has always had a contentious and adversarial relationship with the press “who don’t seem to recognize their mortal station, far beneath [him], or remember to bow and keep quiet when they are in the presence of [his] greatness.”
DSWB4: "Please, no photos while I'm eating, camera troll..."
DSWB4 tries to stop a photographer from the People’s Free Press from capturing his image when he was having a ‘bad-hair day.’
An interview with a reporter from the Simian’s Free Press (left) going a little off the rails.
DSWB4 eloquently addresses a point of criticism about his foreign policy made by a member of the People’s Free Press by simply saying, “Hey, up yours, buddy.”
In an attempt to improve his public image, and to fund the ballooning legal expenses deriving from the many lawsuits filed against him by angry members of the press, DSWB4's public relations team started a line of DSWB4 merchandise, targeting key demographics.
A cuddly, plush Saki Monkey toy makes DSWB4 appear to children as a warm, soft, lovable, approachable, and kind member of the animal kingdom; and certainly not a pompous, self-aggrandizing, hostile, and perpetually-inebriated megalomaniac.
A child’s hand-painted info-graphic about Saki Monkeys is distributed to primary and secondary schools across the SCSN to normalize the animal in the eyes of the populace by mentioning all the things about DSWB4 to which the average citizen can positively relate. Not a long list, to be fair; but a good start, at least.
Shnugglywuggly, a delightful cartoon protagonist inspired by DSWB4, is featured in the animated prime-time television series appropriately titled, A necessary evil whom you will eventually learn to tolerate. The premise of the cartoon generally is that Shnugglywuggly finds himself in hilarious scenarios and gets involved in elaborate high jinks in order to save the myopic masses from their own stupidity and shortsightedness. Each episode ends with everyone concluding that the Benevolent Dictator-for-Life always knows what is best for them and that they should never question his ministerial appointments.
A comic strip called, White Face Saki, features a Saki Monkey based upon the more lovable aspects of DSWB4’s persona while downplaying those that are less so. The comic is widely syndicated in sophisticated adult blogs and newspapers that are read across the SCSN. It was first developed to improve public relations between the government in Mesto Lidstva and the citizens in the Semi-Autonomous State of Sverdlovsk. This became necessary after DSWB4 held a drunken, impromptu press conference wherein he referred to the Sverdlovskian voters who successfully led a popular referendum to attain semi-autonomy within the SCSN as “baby-eating llama rapists.” Indeed, his PR team continuously has their work cut out for them…
DSWB4, seen here in one of his many, many televised apologies on State Media for any number of egregious acts of social ineptitude. These have become a weekly fixture on tv and radio that are fast becoming a form of entertainment for the cynical electorate who aren't able to vote him out of office. College fraternities have created a drinking game that requires everyone in the room to take a shot every time DSWB4 apologizes for making "that joke about (insert any of DSWB4's many adversaries, critics, and opponents)'s mother with whom I actually have not engaged in numerous nocturnal encounters involving some quite unorthodox methods of fornication."
DSWB4: "Seriously; no photos when I'm eating, guys. I already asked you nicely..."
In a last-ditch effort to appear more relatible to the people of the SCSN who grow increasingly agitated and displeased with his many outbursts, DSWB4 opened the State Residence up to the press for a weekend so that they could get to know his family a little better and let the world see that he was a nice, family-oriented fella.
DSWB4 seen with his wife and newborn daughter leaving the State Residence to spend a Saturday afternoon shopping downtown.
DSWB4 and his wife share a lazy Sunday afternoon together in the People’s Tree Fortress of Seclusion.
DSWB4's rebellious teenage son, DSWB5, sneaks back into the State Residence early Sunday morning after a wild night at several of Mesto Lidstva’s many night clubs.
'Ol' mum,' or simply, Gramma Barrington, as the kids refer to her, joins the rest of the family in icy silence for Sunday Brunch before heading out to the People's Country Club to join her gal pals for their weekly canasta tournament.
DSWB's newborn son posing with a peace dove for a photo shoot that DSWB4 insisted has absolutely nothing to do with his ongoing peace negotiations with a few warring nations in the Democratic Socialist Assembly.
DSWB4: “Oi! Not when I’m f*cking eating, camera wench!”
DSWB4: "I’m just misunderstood; but if you give me a chance, I'm sure you will learn to love me."
DSWB4: "You will learn to love me..."
