His Holy Highness the Legend of Bawrai

He/Him/His is referred to His Imperial Majesty Supreme Leader Bawrai, the all-powerful warrior, Shining Star of Holy Empire, Ever-Victorious, Iron-Willed Commander, Great Man, Who Descended From Heaven, Guiding Star of the Twenty-First Century, Emperor of Holy Empire of Bawrai by the will of the Bawraian people.

On every continent in the world, there is a country named after him. Mosquitos refuse to bite him purely out of respect. In museums, he is allowed to touch the art. If he were to punch you in the face, you would have to fight off the urge to thank him. Once, a rattlesnake bit him. After five days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died. If he were to mispronounce your name, you would feel compelled to change it. If he were to pat you on the back, you would list it on your CV. He does not always drink beer, but when he does the whole world wishes they could have one with him. He is considered a national treasure in countries he’s never visited. He is the life of parties that he has never attended. Even his tree houses have fully finished basements. His organ donation card also lists his hairs. Time waits on no one, but him. While swimming off the coast of Australia, he once scratched the underbelly of the Great White Shark with his right hand. When in Rome, they do as HE does. Nine countries went to war to dispute HIS nationality. His shadow has been on the ‘best dressed’ list five times. Batman watches Saturday morning cartoons about him. He has turned vampires vegetarian. His sweat is the cure for the common cold. His tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries. If he were to visit the dark side of the moon, it wouldn’t be dark. When he meets the Pope, the Pope kisses his ring. He can speak French in Russian. Even his enemies list him as their emergency contact number. He has been known to cure narcolepsy just by walking into the room. When it is raining, it is because he is thinking of something sad. He wouldn’t be afraid to show his feminine side if he had one. His reputation is expanding faster than the universe. If he were to give you directions you would never get lost and arrive at least 5 minutes early. Regardless of temperature you can never see his breath. Years ago he Built city of of blocks – today over 1,123,608,091 people live and work there. His blood smells like cologne. Hurting him only makes him more desirable. He’s Santa’s Secret Santa. Aliens asked him to take over their planet. His legend proceeds him the way lighting proceeds thunder.