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The royal residence of Emperor Celtrian XIV will, over the next few days, begin receiving a variety of shipments of statuary, a few statues at a time. Some of these are life-sized marble replicas of His Holy Hoggishness as dressed in the original photograph. These, a carefully written note explains, are to be stood in a place of prominence in the churches of the faithful. With these statues come very solid, very sizable oak pews, with the seats and backs of the pews being extra-cushioned in plush, red pillows. These, the note continues, are so that the faithful have proper seating. Tubbianism encourages very large meals at all times for all worshippers, especially during church services, and the faithful need seats that can hold their growing girth without question of stability. These benches, of course, do not have any pesky arms to get in the way of ballooning bellies.
In addition to the religious items, other statues will arrive. These are plastic, and they show Tubbius in His ordinary clothes: a brilliant yellow, long-sleeved shirt that is poorly tucked in so that it exposes rolls of His tummy; red suspenders holding up equally red trousers; brown slip-on penny loafers. These are vending machines to be set in markets, malls, and school halls for children to access. Their insides are hollow, filled with fresh candy and cakes and sugary delights, and the left arm on each acts as a lever to eject morsels from the front of that great stomach. The arm bends at the elbow; simulating the motion of rubbing Tubbius's hand up and down His tummy will dispense the delights within the machine.
These machines, of course, operate at no cost to the children. A quote from Tubbianism's holy scriptures, The Folds of Tubbius, is included to remind His Majesty of the importance of shouldering the burden of making sure that the next generation is well-fed and that the children grow to match their devoted parents. However, the note continues, there will be weekly shipments of fresh morsels to supply as much food for the dispensers as is possible.
Lastly, the Emperor will receive, for His Majesty's personal ownership, a bronze bust of His Corpulence. This bust covers from the tip-top of His bald head to the fluffiness of His great beard and the top of His bosom, and a button on the base can be pushed to hear a loving, grandfatherly, "Mmph mmph!"
Okay... As an ex-medical student (emphasis on ex), rats that are half-dead (or mostly dead, based on your description) are just as bad, or sometimes worse, than dead rodents due to being proficient breeding grounds for maggots, worms, and bacteria... but based on tradition and culture of the region and your logic, I can't seem to defy nor argue with your statement...
Well, since Dragustria did not mind your welcoming antics, I guess that's fine...
Also, if there's no timeout corner, then the act of blair witching should do the trick...
Oh, and Alunya... your feelings were hurt... Sorry but that was on purrpose...
...bad puns aside, here... have three yarn balls connected by a fidget spinner... hope that helps wind down your feline nerves...
Aigania and Daybreak13
Guys what dates are anniversaries of the day the website was founded and Lazarus was founded?
Well someone has been studying and has earned a PhD in NS history :)
It seems that Treadwellia is currently 1,740th in the world for furniture restoration and 1,968th in the world for fattest citizens. Tubbius the Rotund believes that this is no mere coincidence, given how His Immensity accidentally broke a chair at the dining table this morning while eating His dessert. His Fatness is doing well after the slight fall; His Corpulence's cushioned caboose offered much protection from a poor landing.
He actually gets up and sits in chairs? I would have thought he'd be stuck zipping around in one of those fancy scooters by now.
Treadwellia and Daybreak13
The marble statues are delivered to every place of worship and given prominent and appropriate places where they can be seen and worshipped. The bare, wooden pews of the old faith are replaced with the generously donated plush ones and adequate sustenance in the form of a hot and cold buffet is state sponsored and Empire approved.
The bronze bust is given a central, eye drawing position in the Imperial palace, amongst statues, paintings and busts of previous Emperors and prominent figures of historic import.
The vending machines for the children are installed and free for the Empire's youth. The power they require is tax deductible and maintaining the contents thereof is in the hands of a new government agency specifically created for the supplying and maintaining of these devices.
In return, his Divine Godliness Tubbius the Rotund will receive ample supplies of Imperial foodstuffs, as well as a select group of chefs who can prepare traditional Imperial meals for him as well as instruct his own chefs if required. The Emperor trusts that a well prepared dragon steak (or two. Or three. Or the whole dragon...) stuffed with rare mushrooms and delectable melted aged cheeses accompanied by a fine vintage of red grape and raspberry brandy will be pleasing to Tubbius.
TUBBIUS VULT
Treadwellia and Daybreak13
Aumelodièt are watching the introduction of Tubbianism very curiously and suggest that Tubbius eat some mangrove roots in order to improve his Vitamin C content.
Aigania, Treadwellia, Bowiemoria Puppet, and Daybreak13
Quite a feat to come back after so many time.
You are welcome.
Let's me think, Irish, slightly left, quite international (many endorsements ...)
Viva La Quinte Brigada - The Dubliners
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sItC92RXi80
Probably beyond saving by diet alone.
And it seems it is a personal choice. So, as long as it doesn't cause harm to anyone else, it is only a matter of concern of His Rotundity.
Next time I try to do something at one in the morning, somebody just email me a punch to the face instead and knock me out. I do not need to be trying to be productive when my body is screaming at me that it likes this thing called 'sleep', whatever that is.
Capercom, Daybreak13, and Aumelodia
Today in Treadwellia, word has gotten out that Tubbius the Round has gotten even rounder, requiring a surprise visit to His personal tailor yesterday after indulging himself on these remarkably delightful imports. Newer, stretchier elastic is now sewn into all of his trousers and undergarments, meaning that His Portliness can continue to enjoy His meals without the dreadful discomfort of clothing being too tight around the tummy when He sits. While taking His new measurements, He was also sized for better fitting bathing suits; photographs of His Immensity's wearing the new, one-piece, aqua outfit were shared around Treadwellia this morning. The images show His Ballooning Belly resting on a poolside lounge chair, enjoying the sun prior to enjoying the water nearby.
Aigania, Daybreak13, and Emperor celtrian xiv
Thanks
Can't stop listening to Popcorn Funk... help ;-;
Post by The warstein stratagem suppressed by Funkadelia.
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