The Republic of Turkeyyyy is a huge, orderly nation, remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-working, cynical population of 222 million Turks enjoy great individual freedoms in everything except elections, which, where they exist at all, are populist shams for a dictatorship government that has no intention of ever giving up power.

The tiny, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Welfare, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 8.5%.

The very strong Turkish economy, worth 13.0 trillion Lire a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Basket Weaving industry, with major contributions from Trout Farming, Cheese Exports, and Book Publishing. Average income is 58,697 Lire, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.1 times as much as the poorest.

Octogenarian swimsuit models insist that they've still got it, all telephone traffic is monitored for 'national security reasons', it's all quiet on the western front, and cash-strapped junkies lick rabbits for a cheap high. Crime is a problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Turkeyyyy's national animal is the Wolf, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.

Turkeyyyy is ranked 229,262^nd in the world and 279^th in The Black Hawks for Safest, scoring 21.25 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.