The Bardic Lorekeepers of Aethelia is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by JEM with a fair hand, and remarkable for its parental licensing program, soft-spoken computers, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 30.594 billion Aethelians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, although Environment, Healthcare, and Social Policy are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Luna. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Aethelian economy, worth an astonishing 10,283 trillion newtons a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing and Tourism. Average income is an amazing 336,138 newtons, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Machine-peeled candied grapes come in individual packaging for the busy commuter, serial commas clarify the relationship between one's lackeys, the taxpayers, and kinsfolk, asking 'does my bum look big in this?' leads to 30 hours of self-esteem classes, and women have a strange proclivity for dressing up as caped weasels. Crime is totally unknown. Aethelia's national animal is the aurora, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Science.

Aethelia is ranked 291,238^th in the world and 135^th in Gay for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring -75.82 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.