The Most Serene Eternal Republic of Calistan is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Da Big Kahuna with an even hand, and remarkable for its complete lack of prisons, soft-spoken computers, and sprawling nuclear power plants. The compassionate, humorless population of 26.504 billion Caliwogs are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, although Healthcare, Environment, and Industry are also considered important, while Spirituality receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Astro City. The average income tax rate is 76.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The thriving Cali economy, worth a remarkable 2,739 trillion Takoes a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology and Basket Weaving. Average income is an impressive 103,362 Takoes, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Most towns have their Da Big Kahuna High School located on Da Big Kahuna Street, weather forecasts are accurate but nobody has the bandwidth to view them, the government is washing its hands of alleged corruption, and ghost regiments exist only on paper. Crime is totally unknown. Calistan's national animal is the Kiwi, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Kahunaism.

Calistan is ranked 15,539^th in the world and 371^st in the South Pacific for Most Scientifically Advanced, scoring 322.68 on the Kurzweil Singularity Index.