The Serene Dominion of Ancient Slobovia is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Empress Iris IV with a fair hand, and remarkable for its anti-smoking policies, punitive income tax rates, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, democratic population of 35.534 billion Ancient Slobovians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked morass — juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Constantinople. The average income tax rate is 88.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The thriving Ancient Slobovian economy, worth a remarkable 2,309 trillion guilders a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity. The industrial sector is solely comprised of the Book Publishing industry. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 64,998 guilders, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

All mothers are allowed six months fully-paid maternity leave, college students make ends meet by selling their kidneys, the government is pursuing a new programme aimed at promoting cultural sophistication, and the first half of cabinet meetings include Empress Iris IV complaining about the reasonable nation theory (Ancient Slobovia has found 1 easter egg). Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ancient Slobovia's national animal is the silver bear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Ancient Slobovia is ranked 14,232^nd in the world and 396^th in the South Pacific for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 53.84 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.