The United Cantons of Northen Luxembourg is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by General Johan R Rutherford with an iron fist, and renowned for its public floggings, complete lack of prisons, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 6.404 billion Northern Luxembourgians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Gaullegrad. The average income tax rate is 94.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Northern Luxembourgian economy, worth a remarkable 1,730 trillion Digital Pyks a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 270,181 Digital Pyks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Consumption of cat memes has skyrocketed, the military perceives nations hit by natural disasters as "easy pickings", cases of disease among the civilian population dwindle as civilian population dwindles, and burial ceremonies have become as routinised as tax forms. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Northen Luxembourg's national animal is the Kiwi, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Capitalism.

Northen Luxembourg is ranked 236,544^th in the world and 4,572^nd in The East Pacific for Safest, scoring 17.21 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.