The Too Sexy For My Keffiyeh of Captain Woodhouse is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Professor Fate with an iron fist, and renowned for its vat-grown people, infamous sell-swords, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 25.753 billion Captain Woodhouseans are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The tiny, corrupt, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Valley of Ashes. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 1.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Captain Woodhousean economy, worth a remarkable 9,920 trillion $$s a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 385,220 $$s, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,225,257 per year while the poor average 92,205, a ratio of 13.3 to 1.

Skyscrapers get built in just days, crime is on the rise as online youths compete to vlog the most shocking scenes of violence, reporters sent to cover suspected UFO visits come back with stories about quilting bees, and loan operators are losing interest due to lost interest. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Captain Woodhouse's national animal is the Death's-head hawkmoth, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Aubrey-Maturinism.

Captain Woodhouse is ranked 286,616^th in the world and 3^rd in BLITZKRIEG for Safest, scoring 1.95 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.