by Max Barry

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The Inestimably Holy Empire of
Capitalist Paradise

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The Gooblarian 'Democracy'

Ostensibly, Gooblaria is a democratic nation, referring to itself as a 'Holy Empire' purely as a reference to its religious beliefs. However, democracy, like any governmental system, has its weaknesses, and in attempting to rectify them, Gooblaria has moved away from what is commonly considered democratic.
The first of many weaknesses to manifest was the ability of small-party and independent representatives to stymie motions they were against by making lengthy speeches and wasting council time, preventing any decision from being made, since all representatives must have their say first. When one pro-cannibalism independent tried to prevent a ban on the practice of eating human flesh by reading from a phone book, the Chosen One (elected leader) had them escorted out of the room and pushed through a motion to place a time limit on speeches and to be able to stop any counter-argument deemed to have no merit. From then on, the ruling party (the Stern Gooblaria Coalition) managed to pass every motion they put forward and had anyone that disagreed removed.
Later, it became apparent that many Gooblarians were not taking the democratic process seriously, forming political groups such as the 'Mandatory Sex Party' or the 'United Citizens Against Thursdays'. In light of this and many admitted funny spoofs made of political leaders and unpopular decisions, the Coalition decided to restrict the right to vote to individuals that were deemed of sound mind and mature enough to make rational decisions. Inevitably, this lead to most people who did not openly support Coalition values being excluded from the voting process.
Perhaps the biggest blow to freedom and the democratic way came when hostile neighboring nations started trying to sow dissent among the Gooblarian people by sending agents to raise rabbles and organize violent protests. When one such agent was apprehended and linked back to a hostile source, it made national headlines. After an impassioned speech about not allowing Gooblaria's enemies to destroy it from within, and the fatal flaw of allowing dissenters the same rights as law-abiding, god-fearing citizens, the Chosen One put in place measures that effectively abolished protest and freedom of speech, along with stripping any found to be in violation of the law of even their most basic human rights.
These are only the key incidents in what has made Gooblaria the cynical, humorless dictatorship that it is. Voting still occurs, and the nation and its people still consider their system to be democratic, but there is little chance that the Stern Gooblaria Coalition or its well-meaning but increasingly paranoid Chosen One will ever be deposed.

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