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I can't help but think of my failures. I don't know if it is a problem of mine, or if it is a gift. Every single failure that I have had whether it comes from girls to school to roleplay. It all comes back to me. There is a severe problem I have where I think I have to be perfect. Of course, there is not a thing wrong with it. Trying to be perfect means to be the best you. However, when my failures come back to me, I can't help but think "What if,". Some of my failures are totally on me. In fact 99% of them are on me. I have one major failure that I can't seem to find how to let go.

I can say I have a top three list of the failures that I have, but I have two North Pacific failures that I have. All I can say is that I am not good enough for this region. I don't have depression. But still. I am not good enough. I cannot say otherwise. I am not good enough because in some instances, I can't handle the heat/jokes from people in Discord and my writing is awful as holy hell. Believe me. In a region compelled on writing, I don't fit in. I don't fit the standard. I just want to say. I do NOT want pity from ANYBODY. I don't need it.

My biggest failure in the region was my The Northern Lights article. I wanted to write about... Actually, it doesn't matter because what I wrote was awful and it wasn't worthy enough to be read. I was told that "It's not that your article is bad, it's just that the other articles are exceptionally good,". It was at that moment when I knew I wasn't that good of a writer for articles. Sadly, I believe this is true. Sometimes, I wonder why I even write at all. Sometimes, I wonder...

My BIGGEST failure is my roleplay. Believe me. It is goddamn awful. My biggest failure in roleplay was "Day One of Junie Joseph". While I thought it was good at first, I realized how cheesy it was. I turned it into a competition for short stories. Nobody at my school liked it. I knew that people on the RMB didn't like it. I didn't think that it was top tier either. It was the best my abilities could do. However, it still wasn't good enough. My writing wasn't good enough for MY OWN PUPILS...

My writing wasn't good for the RP community. My writing wasn't good for my pupils. I wonder why I keep writing. However, then I realized. I do it because I love it. I do it because I want to. I do it because I ENJOY it. I do it because... I do it because it helps me forget about all of the pain I have faced emotionally at my old school. I do it because it separates me from my pupils. If I couldn't write or play baseball, I don't know what I would do or where the hell I would be...

So, I am not good enough for this region. However, I am learning that I can't rely on other people for my happiness or to make me feel that I am good enough for anything. I need to do this myself and nobody is going to hand my self-esteem over to me. I need to myself fight for it. I need to fight my insecurity to feel like I am good enough. And I need to answer this one question; if I am not good enough for RP, why do I keep coming back to NS?

However, one thing is certain... Zazumo is the absolute worst...