The Free Land of Zuelong is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Robert B Ware with a fair hand, and remarkable for its frequent executions, national health service, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 4.802 billion Incapacitated Tribesmen are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Swatchit. The average income tax rate is 91.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Inpacacitated economy, worth 693 trillion heads a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 144,355 heads, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Fraternities are notorious for drunken hooliganism, sleeping on the job is recommended, the nation has nearly as many history museums as Incapacitated Tribesmen, and the government only invests in infrastructure after a natural disaster. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Zuelong's national animal is the guillotine, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Pastafarianism.

Zuelong is ranked 280,010^th in the world and 286^th in Conch Kingdom for Most Primitive, scoring -338.07 on the Scary Big Number Scale.