The Kingdom of Barnstorf is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by King Jason Alexander III with an even hand, and notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, rampant corporate plagiarism, and infamous sell-swords. The compassionate population of 1.121 billion Barnstorfians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Vicratria. The average income tax rate is 68.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse Barnstorfian economy, worth 86.8 trillion Barnstorfian Marks a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Basket Weaving, and Woodchip Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 77,417 Barnstorfian Marks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Most ambassadors from Barnstorf retire only a few years after being appointed, road signs are getting harder to read under layers of knitted woolen cardigans, local mafias have a tough time disposing of dead snitches without catching the attention of recycling authorities, and discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation is illegal. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Barnstorf's national animal is the Griffon, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Moderate Violetism.

Barnstorf is ranked 139,934^th in the world and 878^th in Europe for Most Patriotic, with 10.74 flags saluted per person per day.