The New Order of Schirantopia is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Henrik Himmel with an iron fist, and notable for its infamous sell-swords, triple-decker prams, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 3.268 billion Schirantopians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Industry, Law & Order, and Education are also considered important, while International Aid and Welfare aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Burgundy. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 23.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Schirantopian economy, worth 548 trillion Golden Bullets a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Soda Sales. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 167,916 Golden Bullets, with the richest citizens earning 7.0 times as much as the poorest.

Schoolboys trained in chivalry are encouraged to duel other boys for a maiden's hand, nature magazines featuring stick insects on their covers are sometimes mistaken for fashion magazines, it is illegal for a parent to tell a child to stop eating their boogers, and entire provinces are populated solely by nuclear missile technicians and military police. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Schirantopia's national animal is the shark, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to heavy metals seepage into national waterways.

Schirantopia is ranked 274,216^th in the world and 6,457^th in the Rejected Realms for Safest, scoring 6.77 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.