The Federation of Alans is a titanic, cultured nation, ruled by Clut with an iron fist, and renowned for its frequent executions, compulsory military service, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 24.555 billion Alans are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Spirituality. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of moving. The average income tax rate is 75.2%.

The strong Alan economy, worth a remarkable 1,671 trillion stans a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Trout Farming, Cheese Exports, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 68,090 stans, with the richest citizens earning 5.3 times as much as the poorest.

The sanitised and dull music festivals of Alans are famed for their reasonable volume levels, Alans has been recently classified as an international menace after 'liberating' several nearby territories, a stocking with a crooked seam or a tie without a full Windsor knot are grounds for instant dismissal, and the government violently suppresses separatist movements. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Alans's national animal is the alaunt, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Conservative Tolerance.

Alans is ranked 56,573^rd in the world and 4^th in The TWR and NE Puppet Depot for Most Advanced Law Enforcement, scoring 4,916.37 on the Orwell Orderliness Index.