The Thearchic Lunar Wasteland of Argent Mesa is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by The Drunken Steel Czar with an iron fist, and renowned for its triple-decker prams, aversion to nipples, and hatred of cheese. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 36.521 billion Argent Mesonites are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government stops and the rest of society begins, but it is dominated by the Department of Spirituality, with Law & Order and Environment also on the agenda, while Healthcare and Education aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Sanctuary of Bloodstained Doom. The average income tax rate is 96.1%.

The enormous but underdeveloped Argent Mesonic economy, worth a remarkable 3,237 trillion oppression dollars a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, extremely specialized black market in Furniture Restoration and Basket Weaving. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 88,634 oppression dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The national colors help to make everyone look slimmer, concert pianists lie about their occupation to avoid ridicule, children playing with walkie-talkies are told to 'get a job', and the police use sound cannons and mortars to deal with loud parties. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Argent Mesa's national animal is the celestial horned owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Futile prayers for release.

Argent Mesa is ranked 32^nd in the world and 2^nd in Balder for Most Primitive, scoring 981.91 on the Scary Big Number Scale.