The Hirsuit Homeland Security of Bearded Cavemen is a mammoth, socially progressive nation, ruled by Big Spanky with a fair hand, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, ban on automobiles, and absence of drug laws. The hard-working, democratic, devout population of 7.519 billion Bearded Cavemen hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The relatively small, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Spirituality. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Brachycardian Cavemen. The average income tax rate is 11.1%.

The very strong Bearded economy, worth 479 trillion blue gemstones a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Gambling industry, with significant contributions from Soda Sales, Door-to-door Insurance Sales, and Tourism. Average income is 63,767 blue gemstones, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.2 times as much as the poorest.

There's a bright dawn ahead for Bearded Cavemen, even secular Bearded Cavemen are shouting "Blessed are the cheesemakers!", access to the woods is only granted to those who bring a small shrubbery, and residents of houses built on a foundation of wishful thinking are prone to an odd sinking feeling. Crime, especially youth-related, is a problem, probably because of the absence of a police force. Bearded Cavemen's national animal is the black wolf, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities, and its national religion is Defender Moralism.

Bearded Cavemen is ranked 109,421^st in the world and 14^th in The Yamada Ryo Star Warriors for Most Developed, scoring 59.85 on the Human Development Index.