The Republic of Beating My Son is a titanic, efficient nation, notable for its ritual sacrifices, compulsory military service, and vat-grown people. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 11.75 billion Beating My Sonians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Industry and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Environment and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of McCapital. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Beating My Sonian economy, worth a remarkable 2,124 trillion beats a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an impressive 180,784 beats, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,651,615 per year while the poor average 2,167, a ratio of 762 to 1.

Swarms of present-laden delivery drones blot out the sun before major holidays, vacationing Beating My Sonians expect to be treated as royalty, the national colors help to make everyone look slimmer, and the news of budget cuts leaves a sour taste in Beating My Sonian mouths. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. Beating My Son's national animal is the son, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Beating My Son is ranked 93,731^st in the world and 8^th in The Apolean Frontiers for Highest Drug Use, scoring 190.45 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.