The Holy Empire of Celdern is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Aurelian IX with an iron fist, and notable for its parental licensing program, frequent executions, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 3.373 billion Celdernites are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Jerusalem. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 82.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Celdernic economy, worth 660 trillion Celdernic Flames a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an impressive 195,705 Celdernic Flames, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 640,751 per year while the poor average 44,896, a ratio of 14.3 to 1.

Fashion magazine covers finally display realistic body images following photo-manipulation becoming illegal, unused plastic recycling bins are being dumped into landfills by the tonne, theories abound over why conspiracy theorists are being arrested, and religious bigotry and a fear of outsiders have replaced religious studies in schools. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Celdern's national animal is the Phoenix, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Sacred Protestant Christianity.

Celdern is ranked 302,434^th in the world and 22^nd in THE SUPER POWERS for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 23.07 on the Bus Surprisal Index.