The Business Man and Professor of Cooper Hefner is a titanic, orderly nation, notable for its deadly medical pandemics, prohibition of alcohol, and aversion to nipples. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 12.507 billion Cooper Hefnerians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Education. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 56.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Cooper Hefnerian economy, worth a remarkable 1,111 trillion Dollars a year, is quite specialized and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Furniture Restoration, Soda Sales, Retail, and Uranium Mining. Average income is 88,869 Dollars, with the richest citizens earning 5.4 times as much as the poorest.

Singles on the dating scene no longer worry about looking their age, mantis shrimp studies is academia's fastest-growing field, money is being desperately pumped into the ruined economy, and the government has returned all business to private ownership. Crime is moderate, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Cooper Hefner's national animal is the Bunny, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Cooper Hefner is ranked 309,420^th in the world and 4^th in Playboy for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring -12.41 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.