The Empire of Coyn is a titanic, orderly nation, ruled by Emperor of the Universe with an iron fist, and remarkable for its public floggings, zero percent divorce rate, and flagrant waste-dumping. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 12.686 billion Coynians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Industry, and Administration also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Big Burg. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 92.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Coynian economy, worth a remarkable 4,019 trillion Dukals a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Automobile Manufacturing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 316,871 Dukals, with the richest citizens earning 5.7 times as much as the poorest.

Compassion shrinks as tax rebates grow, for just a few extra Dukals Coynians can get new driving records with their new cars, school football matches are usually five-a-side, and creating dance remixes is the newest form of conspicuous consumption. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Coyn's national animal is the Weasel, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is God fearing.

Coyn is ranked 30,016^th in the world and 1^st in Coyn for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring 4,567.34 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.