The Tasty Territories of Dinky Applebiscuits is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Mac Vitie with an iron fist, and remarkable for its closed borders, pith helmet sales, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 35.989 billion Dinky Applebiscuitsians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Law & Order, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Appleton. The average income tax rate is 23.9%.

The all-consuming Dinky Applebiscuitsian economy, worth a remarkable 2,495 trillion apples a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient black market in Book Publishing, Cheese Exports, Trout Farming, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 69,343 apples, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.4 times as much as the poorest.

Slackers at work are told to "crack on with it", the police think a properly conducted criminal investigation is a real pain, Mac Vitie's new office has a propensity to catch on fire, and beating enemies to death with a baseball bat is legal if done within nine innings. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Dinky Applebiscuits's national animal is the biscuit, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Dunking.

Dinky Applebiscuits is ranked 25,988^th in the world and 3^rd in The Kingdom of Burgundy for Most Corrupt Governments, with 81.94 kickbacks per hour.