The Kingdom of Eiffelburg is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by The Crimson King with an iron fist, and renowned for its zero percent divorce rate, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 2.538 billion Eiffelburgians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Stone Fortress. The average income tax rate is 18.4%.

The thriving Eiffelburgian economy, worth 222 trillion Golds a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Basket Weaving, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 87,815 Golds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.2 times as much as the poorest.

Aides are afraid to ask if The Crimson King wants a cup of tea or coffee, older citizens lament over the loss of law and order, the arms industry is backed by government subsidies and harsh anti-protest laws are in place, and popular cartoon characters frequently appear in government-sponsored PSAs reminding students to say no to drugs. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Eiffelburg's national animal is the tiger, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Vedulism.

Eiffelburg is ranked 89,390^th in the world and 353^rd in the Outback for Most Developed, scoring 64.27 on the Human Development Index.