The Colony of El Eems Islands is a massive, genial nation, ruled by Theodore Mercury with an iron fist, and renowned for its zero percent divorce rate, aversion to nipples, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 3.756 billion El Eems Islandes are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Liberty Fox. The average income tax rate is 84.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient El Eems Islande economy, worth 313 trillion Runees a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 83,388 Runees, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Carpet bombing has decimated Brasilistan's landscape and population, diplomatic cables about Theodore Mercury have suddenly been very flattering, buses are widely regarded as the safest way to travel, and Theodore Mercury is said to pay a tithe to a violent sect. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. El Eems Islands's national animal is the fox, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Lasteverism.

El Eems Islands is ranked 13,687^th in the world and 33^rd in Thaecia for Lowest Crime Rates, with 95.66 law-abiding acts per hour.