The Wide World of Sports of ESPN is a mammoth, efficient nation, notable for its frequent executions, sprawling nuclear power plants, and vat-grown people. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 5.059 billion ESPNians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bristol. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 41.4%.

The frighteningly efficient ESPNian economy, worth 534 trillion dollars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Arms Manufacturing, and Soda Sales. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an impressive 105,594 dollars, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 304,493 per year while the poor average 29,069, a ratio of 10.5 to 1.

Kids' party bags often contain candy and e-cigarettes, the number of eyes rolled per maths lesson is increasing exponentially, minstrels carrying coconut shells provide sound effects wherever their nobles wander, and soylent products are an expensive commodity due to a lack of volunteers. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. ESPN's national animal is the mascot, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

ESPN is ranked 134,308^th in the world and 18^th in Callista for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 769.47 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.